-v. 


20  A X M U S 


LIBRARY  OP 


I 


University  of  Illinois.  # 


Books  are  not  to  be  taken  from  the  Library  Room. 


Return  this  book  on  or  before  the 
Latest  Date  stamped  below.  A 
charge  is  made  on  all  overdue 
books. 

University  of  Illinois  Library 


W 20  IQ,: 


8 


IS 


Digitized  by  the  Internet  Archive 
in  2017  with  funding  from 

University  of  Illinois  Urbana-Champaign  Alternates 


https://archive.org/details/principlesofartoOOmaha 


library 


s 


THE  PRINCIPLES 


OF  THE 

Art  of  Conversation 


J.  P.  MAHAFFY 


PHILADELPHIA 

THE  PENN  PUBLISHING  COMPANY 


1S92 


Copyright,  1891,  by  the  Penn  Publishing  Company 


TO 

MY  SILENT  FRIENDS 


3 ^ b'b 


PREF 

If  the  reader  should  inquire  what  special  claims  the 
present  author  can  put  forward  to  treat  so  complex  and 
indeed  novel  a subject,  the  first  reply  is,  of  course,  that 
he  has  thought  a long  time  and  with  much  care  about 
it,  and  this,  for  a theorist,  is  sufficient  vindication.  But 
it  may  fairly  be  added  that  a writer  on  the  principles  of 
conversation  ought  to  live  in  a country  where  the  prac- 
tice of  it  is  confessedly  on  a high  level,  and  where  the 
average  man  is  able  to  talk  well.  This  is  an  additional 
justification.  Lastly,  though  examples  cannot  teach  the 
art,  it  is  to  be  expected  that  the  writer  should  not  live 
altogether  in  his  study,  but  should  go  out  and  hear  as 
many  good  conversations  as  possible,  in  order  to  bring 
his  theories  to  the  practical  test.  These  three  conditions 
having  been  honestly  fulfilled,  the  failure  of  the  book 
will  rather  be  due  to  want  of  ability  than  to  want  of 
honest  preparation  in  the  author. 

The  generality  of  the  treatment  may  perhaps  mislead 


LIBRARY 


Ji 


LIN 


v 


VI 


PREFACE 


the  reader  to  think  that  there  is  nothing  but  speculation 
attempted.  This  is  not  so,  each  single  case  of  general 
description  being  drawn  from  instances  under  the 
author’s  own  observation,  so  that  not  a few  will  be  re- 
cognized by  those  who  have  moved  in  the  same  society. 
But  if  justly  drawn,  they  ought  to  be  found  in  every 
society. 

In  seeking  for  advice  among  those  whose^conversation 
has  supplied  the  best  materials  for  his  theory,  the  author 
has  been  fortunate  enough  to  obtain  the  assistance  of 
the  Marchioness  of  Londonderry  and  Lady  Audrey 
Buller,  who  have  made  suggestions  and  criticisms 
which  he  here  cordially  acknowledges. 

Trinity  College,  Dublin, 

September , 1887. 


ANALYSIS 


Introduction. 

Conversation  (i)  is  universal ; 

(2)  is  necessary  ; and  therefore 

(3)  Is  it  an  art  ? (§  2) 

(4)  Can  it  be  improved  ? 

The  great  difficulty  is  this : that  it  must  seem  to  be  natural,  and 
not  an  art.  Hence — 

(5)  Analogy  of  the  arts  of  logic  and  rhetoric  ($$ 
3,  4),  viz.— 

(#)  They  can  never  be  taught  without  natural  gifts  to  receive 
them. 

(£)  They  can  always  be  greatly  improved  in  those  who  possess 
these  gifts. 

(<:)  They  must  not  be  paraded,  or  they  cease  to  be  arts  in  the 
higher  sense,  for 

( d ) The  highest  art  is  to  attain  perfect  nature. 

So  also — 

(1)  No  teaching  by  mere  specimens  and  by  memory  is 

possible  (§  5). 

(2)  All  the  general  rules  are  obvious,  and  yet 

(3)  Natural  gifts  are  necessary  to  apply  them  with  skill. 

vii 


viii 


ANAL  YSIS 


I.  The  Manner  of  Conversation. 

Subjective  Conditions , 

(A)  in  the  speaker,  and  these  are  either. — 

(a)  Physical,  viz.  (i)  A sweet  tone  of  voice  (g  6) 


or 

(£)  Mental,  viz. 

(2)  Absence  of  local  accent. 

(3)  Absence  of  tricks  and  catchwords  (g  7). 

(1)  Knowledge,  which  may  be  either  Special 

(great  topics,  the  topic  of^the  day) — gg  8, 
9 — or  General  (books,  men),  gg  10,  11. 

(2)  Quickness  (g  12). 

or 

(<r)  Moral,  viz. 

(1)  Modesty  (gg  13,  14). 

(2)  Simplicity — digression  on  Shyness  and 
Reserve  (gg  15-18). 

(3)  Unselfishness  (gg  19-21). 

(4)  Sympathy  (gg  22,  23). 

(5)  Tact  (g§  24,  25). 

Digression  as  regards  Conditions — 

( a ) too  general — Moral  Worth  and  Truthfulness  (gg  26,  27). 

( b ) too  special — Wit  and  Humor  (gg  28-31). 

Objective  Conditions , 

(B)  in  the  hearers,  which  are  either  in — 

(1)  Quantity,  for  we  spe^k  with  ( a ) one  (gg  32,  33),  ( b ) a few 
(gg  34>  35)>  digressions  on  gossip  (g  36)  and  ladies’ 
schools  (g  37),  (f)  many  (gg  38,  39). 


ANAL  YSIS 


IX 


(2)  Quality,  for  we  speak  with  ( a ) equals  ($  40),  (£)  superiors 

($§  41,  42),  ( c ) inferiors  ($  43),  digression  on  bilingual 
societies  (§  44). 

(3)  Differences  (A)  of  age  (g§  45-47),  (1)  older,  (2)  younger, 

(3)  equal;  (B),  of  sex — men  and  women  (§$  48-50). 

(4)  Degrees  of  Intimacy,  ( a ) relations,  ( b ) friends,  (<:)  acquaint- 

ances (familiar,  slight),  51-53. 

II.  The  Matter  of  Conversation,  or 

(C)  The  Topics,  which  are  either— 

In  Quantity — infinite  (£  54). 

In  Quality — serious  or  trivial  (§  55). 

In  Relation — personal  or  general  (§§  56,  57). 

(D)  The  handling  of  the  Topics  must  be  either — 

Deliberative,  or  by  all  the  company. 

Controversial,  or  by  two  speakers. 


THE  PRINCIPLES 


OF  THE 

ART  OF  CONVERSATION 

INTRODUCTION 

§ i.  There  can  be  no  doubt  that  of  all  the  accom- 
plishments prized  in  modern  society,  that  of  being 
agreeable  in  conversation  is  the  very  first.  It  may  be 
called  the  social  result  of  Western  civilization,  begin- 
ning with  the  Greeks.  Whatever  contempt  the  North 
American  Indian  or  the  Mohammedan  Tartar  may  feel 
for  talking  as  mere  chatter,  it  is  agreed  among  us  that 
people  must  meet  frequently,  both  men  and  women, 
and  that  not  only  is  it  agreeable  to  talk,  but  that  it  is  a 
matter  of  common  courtesy  to  say  something,  even 
when  there  is  hardly  anything  to  say.  Every  civilized 
man  and  woman  feels,  or  ought  to  feel,  this  duty ; it  is 


12 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


the  universal  accomplishment  which  all  must  practice, 
and  as  those  who  fail  signally  to  attain  it  are  punished 
by  the  dislike  or  neglect  of  society,  so  those  who  suc- 
ceed beyond  the  average  receive  a just  reward,  not  only 
in  the  constant  pleasure  they  reap  from  it,  but  in  the 
esteem  which  they  gain  from  their  fellows.  Many  men 
and  many  women  owe  the  whole  of  a great  success  in 
life  to  this  and  nothing  else.  An  agreeable  young 
woman  will  always  carry  away  the  palm  in  the  long  run 
from  the  most  brilliant  player  or  singer  who  has  nothing 
to  say.  And  though  men  are  supposed  to  succeed  in 
life  by  dead  knowledge,  or  by  acquaintance  with  busi- 
ness, it  is  often  by  their  social  qualities,  by  their  agree- 
able way  of  putting  things,  and  not  by  their  more  sub- 
stantive merits,  that  they  prevail.  In  the  high  profession 
of  diplomacy,  both  home  and  foreign,  this  is  pre-emi- 
nently the  case. 

But  quite  apart  from  all  these  serious  profits,  and 
better  than  them  all,  is  the  daily  pleasure  derived  from 
good  conversation  by  those  who  can  contribute  it  them- 
selves or  enjoy  it  in  others.  It  is  a perpetual  intellectual 
feast,  it  is  an  ever-ready  recreation,  a deep  and  lasting 
comfort,  costing  no  outlay  but  that  of  time,  requiring 


II 


INTRODUCTION 


13 


no  appointments  but  a small  company,  limited  neither 
to  any  age  nor  any  sex,  the  delight  of  prosperity,  the 
solace  of  adversity,  the  eternal  and  essential  expression 
of  that  social  instinct  which  is  one  of  the  strongest  and 
best  features  in  human  nature. 

§ 2.  If  such  be  the  universality  and  the  necessity  of 
conversation  in  modern  society,  it  seems  an  obvious  in- 
quiry whether  it  can  be  taught  or  acquired  by  any  fixed 
method ; or  rather,  as  everybody  has  to  practice  it  in 
some  way,  not  as  a mere  ornament,  but  as  a necessity 
of  life,  it  may  be  asked  : Is  there  any  method  by  which 
we  can  improve  our  conversation?  Is  there  any  theory 
of  it  which  we  can  apply  in  our  own  case  and  that  of 
others?  If  not,  are  there  at  least  some  practical  rules 
which  we  ought  to  know,  and  which  we  should  follow 
in  endeavoring  to  perform  this  essential  part  of  our  so- 
cial duties? 

To  assert  that  there  is  some  such  systematic  analysis 
of  conversation  possible  is  to  assert  that  it  is  an  Art — a 
practical  science  like  the^att  of  reasoning  called  Logic, 
or  the  art  of  eloquence  called  Rhetoric.  Now  this  runs 
counter  to  one  of  the  strongest  convictions  among  in- 
telligent men  and  women,  that  if  anything  in/the  world 


14 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


ought  to  be  spontaneous  it  is  conversation.  How  can 
a thing  be  defined  by  rules  which  consists  in  following 
the  chances  of  the  moment,  drifting  with  the  temper  of 
the  company,  suiting  the  discourse  to  whatever  subject 
may  turn  up  ? The  instant  any  one  is  felt  to  be  talking 
by  rules  all  the  charm  of  his  society  vanishes,  and  he 
becomes  the  worst  of  social  culprits — a bore.  For  it  is 
the  natural  easy  flow  of  talk,  drifting  widpL  the  current 
of  thought  in  its  changing  eddies,  which  is  indeed  the 
perfection  of  what  we  seek.  Didactic  teaching,  humor- 
ous anecdotes,  clever  argument — these  may  take  their 
part  in  social  intercourse,  but  they  are  not  its  real  es- 
sence, as  I understand  it.  To  take  up  what  others  say 
in  easy  comment,  to  give  in  return  something  which  will 
please,  to  stimulate  the  silent  and  the  morose  out  of 
their  vapors  and  surprise  them  into  good  humor,  to  lead 
while  one  seems  to  follow — this  is  the  real  aim  of  good 
conversation. 

How  can  such  a Protean  impalpable  acquirement  be 
in  any  way  an  art  depending  on  rules  ? Does  it  not 
altogether  depend  on  natural  gifts,  on  a ready  power  of 
expression,  on  a sanguine  temperament,  on  a quick 
power  of  sympathy,  on  a placid  temper  ? Is  there  not 


Ill 


INTRODUCTION 


15 


a risk,  nay  a certainty,  that  in  dissecting  it  we  shall  slay 
its  life  and  destroy  its  beauty? 

§ 3.  However  natural  and  reasonable  this  objection, 
it  is  based  on  the  mistake  that  art  is  opposed  to  nature, 
that  natural  means  merely  what  is  spontaneous  and  un- 
prepared, and  artistic  what  is  7nanifestly  studied  and 
artificial.  This  is  one  of  the  commonest  and  most 
widely-spread  popular  errors.  If  such  were  the  real 
meaning  of  natural , it  might  be  argued  that  nothing 
was  natural  in  man  above  the  condition  of  the  lowest 
savage — the  Natur- m ensch , as  the  Germans  call  him. 
And  if  such  were  the  meaning  of  artistic , we  must  ex- 
clude from  art  the  highest  of  all  its  functions — that  of 
reproducing,  or  perhaps  even  of  producing,  nature  in 
its  most  precious  and  perfect  phases.  It  is  a curious 
reflection  that  conventionality  and  awkwardness  seem 
our  most  universal  inheritance,  and  so  far  thoroughly 
natural  to  man,  that  we  all  require  either  conscious  art 
or  the  heedlessness  attending  some  violent  emotion  to 
keep  us  clear  of  it.  The  savage  has  it  strongly  marked 
in  him ; the  most  enlightened  societies  are  encumbered 
with  it.  Ask  any  child  of  five  or  six  years  old  to  draw 
you  the  figure  of  a man,  and  it  will  always  produce  very 


1 6 ART  OF  CON  VERSA  TION  sect. 

much  the  same  kind  of  thing.  You  might,  therefore, 
assert  that  this  was  the  natural  way  for  a child  to  draw 
a man,  and  yet  how  remote  from  nature  it  is.  If  one 
or  two  out  of  a thousand  made  a fair  attempt  and 
avoided  the  conventional  treatment,  you  would  attrib- 
ute this  either  to  special  genius  or  special  training — and 
why?  because  the  child  had  really  approached  nature. 

§ 4.  Let  us  leave  generalities  and  consider  practical 
sciences,  which  have  a closer  analogy  to  the  subject  un- 
der discussion.  The  science  of  Logic  or  analysis  of 
reasoning  professes  to  show  us  how  men  ought  to  reason, 
and  to  discover  the  precise  nature  of  their  mistakes 
when  they  reason  falsely.  Yet  the  best  reasoner  is  not 
the  man  who  parades  his  logic  and  thrusts  syllogisms 
upon  his  opponents,  but  he  who  states  his  arguments  as 
if  they  arose  spontaneously  and  followed  one  another 
by  natural  suggestion.  In  fact,  the  man  who  parades 
his  logic  is  one  of  those  poor  and  narrow  thinkers  whose 
over-attention  to  form  mars  his  comprehension  of  the 
matter,  and  so  leads  him  astray.  The  formally  logical 
reasoner  is  generally  a bad  persuader.  And  yet  logic  is 
not  to  be  blamed  for  this  man’s  stupidity.  The  fact 
that  he  goes  wrong  on  every  practical  question  is  not 


IV 


INTRODUCTION 


17 

due  to  logic,  but  to  the  man’s  narrowness  of  vision  or 
his  vanity  in  parading  an  art  that  does  not  admit  of 
parade  in  its  proper  use. 

The  case  is  still  clearer  with  Rhetoric,  or  the  science 
of  speaking  persuasively  in  public.  Here  we  have  a 
science  so  akin  to  that  of  which  we  are  in  search,  that 
the  points  of  importance  may  serve  as  direct  clues  to 
discover  what  we  seek.  The  most  obvious  points 
about  rhetoric  as  a practical  science  are  these  : it  pre- 
supposes some  natural  gifts  in  the  pulpit,  and  though  we 
have  notable  instances  of  men  overcoming  great  con- 
genital obstacles  by  study,  the  fact  of  this  very  conquest 
shows  that  a fund  of  power  or  of  passion  lay  concealed 
beneath  these  hindrances.  No  stupid  person,  no  person 
without  any  flow  of  ideas,  ever  was,  or  could  be  made, 
an  effective  speaker  by  studying  rhetoric. 

On  the  other  hand,  every  speaker,  bad  or  good,  is 
greatly  improved  by  a study  of  this  science,  and  by  re- 
flecting on  the  suggestions  it  gives  him.  There  is  no 
orator,  however  naturally  ready  and  fluent,  who  will 
not  profit  immensely  by  such  a study.  Nay,  even  those 
who  have  formed  themselves  as  speakers  by  long  prac- 
tice, have  generally  constructed  for  themselves  some 


IS  ART  OF  CONVERSATION  sect. 

such  science  or  body  of  rules  which  they  consciously 
obey,  and  which  gives  them  most  of  their  efficiency 
and  power ; so  that,  even  if  they  have  succeeded  with- 
out studying  the  science  of  rhetoric,  they  are  not  there- 
fore devoid  of  rhetorical  study. 

But  it  is  of  the  last  importance,  as  was  already  ob- 
served in  the  case  of  logic,  that  a man’s  theory  of  speak- 
ing should  not  be  paraded  to  his  hearer^.  The  moment 
they  are  made  aware  that  he  has  drawn  up  premeditated 
engines  of  persuasion,  as  it  were,  in  position,  they  for- 
tify themselves  against  them,  and  what  the  orator  gains 
in  display  he  loses  in  power.  For  here,  as  in  all  art, 
the  real  perfection  is  to  reproduce  nature — not  nature 
in  its  halting  and  stammering  and  repetition,  but  nature 
in  its  most  perfect  and  purified  form.  Here,  too,  the 
untutored  speaker  is  always  conventional  and  con- 
sciously awkward ; it  is  the  trained  orator  who  is  easy 
and  graceful;  he  is,  in  fact,  at  home  not  only  with  his 
audience,  but,  if  I may  say  so,  with  himself. 

In  public  speaking,  however,  studied  effects  and  evi- 
dent preparation,  though  not  agreeable,  though  not 
showing  the  highest  art,  are  still  excusable,  owing  to 
the  acknowledged  difficulties  with  which  that  art  is  be- 


V 


INTRODUCTION 


19 


set.  It  is  not  so  with  conversation.  Here,  if  anywhere, 
the  first  thing  to  be  aimed  at  is  to  appear  perfectly  nat- 
ural. Hence  the  fact  that  no  “ theory  of  conversation  ” 
has  yet  been  attempted.  But  hence  also  the  fact  that 
such  an  analysis  is  very  much  needed,  and  that  conver- 
sation generally  is  at  a far  lower  level  than  it  might  be. 
The  many  analogies  already  pointed  out,  and  many 
others  which  will  suggest  themselves  to  any  intelligent 
reader,  indicate  that  the  line  to  be  followed  in  this  dis- 
cussion must  be  determined  by  the  sister  art  of  rhetoric, 
if  indeed  conversation  can  be  called  a sister  art,  and 
not  a mere  pendant  to  the  former.  In  general,  good 
public  speakers  are  also  agreeable  in  conversation  ; the 
art  of  persuading  people  from  a platform  is  nearly  akin 
to  that  of  pleasing  them  in  social  discourse,  though 
there  are  of  course  some  men  only  fit  for  the  greater 
and  more  serious  mission,  and  some  who  are  perfect 
enough  in  the  lesser,  yet  who  cannot  rise  to  the  import- 
ance of  the  greater  task. 

§ 5.  The  analogy,  therefore,  being  established,  we 
may  feel  tolerably  certain  of  the  following  results, 
which  should  be  stated  at  the  outset  in  order  to  allay 
any  vain  or  excessive  expectations  : (1)  No  teaching  of 


20 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


the  art  of  conversation  by  specimens  is  possible.  Even 
in  rhetoric  this  is  very  difficult,  and  yet  rhetoric  is 
busied  about  weighty  topics  which  must  often  recur  in 
the  same  form.  But  in  the  case  of  conversation,  except 
to  point  out  some  notable  examples  in  great  authors, 
any  teaching  by  special  cases  is  quite  illusory.  It  would 
at  once  tempt  the  learner  to  force  the  train  of  the  dis- 
course into  the  vein  he  had  practiced,  and  to  force 
conversation  is  in  other  words  to  spoil  it.  (2)  As  in 
logic  and  in  rhetoric,  we  may  be  certain  that  all  the 
general  rules,  when  stated,  will  be  perfectly  obvious. 
The  notion  of  any  of  these  sciences  being  mysteries, 
whereby  a secret  or  magic  power  is  to  be  acquired,  is 
only  fit  for  the  dark  ages.  The  broad  foundations  of 
logic  are  nothing  but  truisms;  the  rules  of  rhetoric 
are  founded  on  these  truisms,  combined  with  psycho- 
logical observations  neither  subtle  nor  deep.  So  we 
may  be  certain  that  the  laws  of  good  conversation, 
being  such  as  can  be  practiced  by  all,  are  no  witchery, 
but  something  simple  and  commonplace,  perhaps  neg- 
lected on  account  of  its  very  plainness.  (3)  Simple  as 
these  rules  may  be,  it  requires  a certain  special  faculty 
to  apply  them — a faculty  which  may  be  called  common 


V 


INTRODUCTION 


21 


sense,  or  judgment,  or  genius—  a something  which  some 
men  and  women  have  not  at  all,  and  can  never  acquire, 
but  which  the  great  majority  have  in  some  degree;  and 
this  determines  their  success  more  than  all  the  rules  in 
the  world.  So  it  is  with  eloquence  of  the  higher  kind. 
What  are  called  natural  gifts  start  one  man  far  ahead 
of  another.  And  yet  these  external  qualities  may  be 
outrun  by  a larger  mental  gift,  which  overcomes  weak- 
ness of  voice  and  poverty  of  frame  and  makes  a man 
whose  presence  is  mean,  and  whose  speech  at  first  con- 
temptible, fascinate  great  audiences  with  his  genius. 
We  may  be  unable  to  define  what  this  peculiar  quality 
is  in  the  case  of  conversation,  but  we  must  take  care  to 
recognize  its  presence  from  the  very  outset. 


22 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


Subjective  Side — Physical  Conditions 

§ 6.  There  are  no  special  physical  conditions  abso- 
lutely necessary  for  becoming  a good  talker.  I have 
known  a man  with  a painful  impediment  pi  his  speech 
far  more  agreeable  than  all  the  fluent  people  in  the 
room.  But  when  any  one  comes  to  consider  by  what 
conditions  conversation  can  be  improved,  and  turns 
first  of  all  to  his  own  side,  to  see  what  he  can  do  for 
himself  in  that  direction,  he  will  find  that  certain  nat- 
ural gifts  which  he  may  possess,  or  the  absence  of  which 
he  may  regret,  are  of  no  small  importance  in  making 
him  more  agreeable  to  those  whom  he  meets  in  society. 
It  seems  desirable  to  mention  these  at  the  outset  for 
completeness’  sake,  and  also  that  educators  may  lay 
their  foundations  in  children  for  after  use  in  the  world. 

The  old  Greeks  set  it  down  as  an  axiom  that  a loud 
or  harsh  voice  betokened  bad  breeding,  and  any  one 
Who  hears  the  lower  classes  discussing  any  topic  at  the 
corners  of  the  streets,  may  notice  not  merely  their 


VI 


THE  VOICE 


23 


coarseness  and  rudeness  in  expression,  but  also  the 
loudness  and  harshness  of  their  voices,  in  support  of 
this  observation.  The  habit  of  wrangling  with  people 
who  will  not  listen  without  interruption,  and  who  try 
to  shout  down  their  company,  nay  even  the  habit  of 
losing  one’s  temper,  engenders  a noisy  and  harsh  way 
of  speaking,  which  naturally  causes  a prejudice  against 
the  talker  in  good  society.  Even  the  dogmatic  or  over- 
confident temper  which  asserts  opinions  loudly,  and 
looks  round  to  command  approval  or  challenge  contra- 
diction, chills  good  conversation  by  setting  people 
against  the  speaker,  whom  they  presume  to  be  a social 
bully  and  wanting  in  sympathy. 

Contrariwise,  v nothing  attracts  more  at  first  hearing 
than  a soft  and  sweet  tone  of  voice.  It  generally  sug- 
gests a deeper  well  of  feeling  than  the  speaker  possesses, 
and  certainly  prejudices  people  as  much  in  his  favor  as 
a grating  or  loud  utterance  repels  them.  It  is  to  be 
classed  with  personal  beauty,  which  disposes  every  one 
to  favor  the  speaker,  and  listen  to  him  or  her  with  sym- 
pathy and  attention.  This  sweetness  in  the  tone  of  the 
voice  is  chiefly  a natural  gift,  but  it  may  also  be  im- 
proved, if  not  acquired,  by  constant  and  careful  train- 


24 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


ingin  early  years.  It  can  certainly  be  marred  by  con- 
stant straining  and  shouting.  It  should  therefore  be 
carefully  cultivated  or  protected  in  youth  as  a valuable 
vantage-ground  in  social  intercourse. 

Similarly  the  presence  of  a strong  local  accent, 
though  there  are  cases  where  it  gives  raciness  to  wit 
and  pungency  to  satire,  is  usually  a hindrance  to  con- 
versation, especially  at  its  outset,  and  among  strangers. 
It  marks  a man  as  provincial,  and  hence  is  akin  to  vul- 
garity and  narrowness  of  mind.  It  suggests  too  that 
the  speaker  has  not  moved  much  about  the  world,  or 
even  in  the  best  society  of  his  native  country,  in  which 
such  provincialism  is  carefully  avoided,  and  set  down 
as  an  index  of  mind  and  manners  below  the  proper 
level.  Hence  all  careful  educators  endeavor  to  eradi- 
cate peculiarities  of  accent  or  pronunciation  in  chil- 
dren, and  justly,  though  we  have  all  met  great  talkers 
whose  Scotch  burr  or  Irish  brogue  seemed  an  essential 
feature  of  their  charm.  If  this  be  so,  no  education  will, 
eradicate  it.  In  lesser  people  to  be  provincial  is  dis- 
tinctly an  obstacle  in  the  way,  even  though  a great 
mind  may  turn  it  into  a stepping-stone. 

§ 7.  There  is  yet  another  almost  physical  disability  or 


VII 


SENSELESS  GROUTING 


25 


damage  to  conversation,  which  is  akin  to  provincialism, 
and  which  consists  in  disagreeable  tricks  in  conversa- 
tion, such  as  the  constant  and  meaningless  repetition  of 
catchwords  and  phrases,  such  as  the  unmeaning  oaths  of 
our  grandfathers,  such  as  inarticulate  sounds  of  assent, 
such  as  contortions  of  the  face,  which  so  annoy  the 
hearer  by  their  very  want  of  meaning  and  triviality  as 
to  excite  quite  a serious  dislike  to  the  speaker,  and  to 
require  great  and  sterling  qualities  to  counterbalance 
this  first  impression.  However  apt  a man's  internal 
furniture  may  be  for  conversation,  he  may  make  it  use- 
less by  being  externally  disagreeable,  and  how  often 
when  we  praise  a friend  as  a good  talker  do  we  hear 
the  reply:  I should  like  him  well  enough  if  he  did  not 
worry  me  with  his  don' t you  know , or  his  what , or  his 
exactly  so,  or  something  else  so  childishly  small,  that 
we  shudder  to  think  how  easily  a man  may  forfeit  his 
position  or  popularity  among  civilized  men  in  their 
daily  intercourse.  But  modern  society,  which  ought  to 
be  of  all  things  in  human  life  the  most  easy  and  uncon- 
strained, is  growing  every  day  more  tyrannical,  and  is 
now  only  to  be  kept  in  good  humor  by  careful  attention 
to  its  unwritten  behests,  unless  indeed  we  have  the 


26 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


power  to  bend  it  to  our  will,  and  force  it  to  follow  our 
lead  instead  of  driving  us  along  like  slaves. 

The  effect  of  these  trifles . is  like  the  effect  of  other 
personal  habits  upon  a man’s  general  reputation.  If  he 
be  untidy,  and  neglect  to  wash  his  face  or  brush  his 
clothes,  he  will  require  very  sterling  virtues  to  counter- 
act the  dislike  which  his  appearance  creates.  On  the 
other  hand,  if  a man  or  woman  be  overdressed,  and 
ostentatiously  neat,  the  public  at  once  infers  triviality 
or  shallowness  of  character;  and  such  a person  will 
find  difficulty  in  proving  that  he  has  serious  views  of 
life,  and  is  trustworthy  in  the  conduct  of  weighty 
affairs. 

No  more  need  be  said  concerning  these  physical 
conditions,  which  are  rather  negative  conditions,  or 
favorable  starting  points,  than  real  aids  for  our  purpose. 
The  handsomest  man  or  woman,  even  with  the  sweetest 
tones  of  human  voice,  will  soon  be  found  out,  if  dull 
or  unsympathetic,  and  then  these  advantages  all  go  for 
nothing. 


VIII 


THE  SPECIALIST 


27 


Mental  Conditions — Special  Knowledge 

§ 8.  Far  more  important  than  the  physical  gifts  of 
nature,  which  can  only  be  slightly  improved,  though 
they  can  be  completely  marred,  by  habit,  are  the  mental 
conditions  of  conversation.  Among  these  the  most 
obvious  is,  of  course,  Knowledge.  A man’s  ignorance 
can  never  make  him  agreeable  in  conversation,  except 
as  a butt ; a man  full  of  knowledge  is  certain  to  be 
agreeable  if  he  will  conform  to  the  other  conditions  of 
the  game.  The  word  knowledge  is,  however,  so  vague, 
that  we  must  be  at  pains  to  define  more  particularly  its 
meanings,  and  consider  what  kind  of  knowledge  is  most 
conducive  to  good  conversation. 

Of  course  the  first  question  suggested  to  the  reader  is 
whether  general  or  special  knowledge  in  a talker  is  to 
be  preferred.  There  are  arguments  in  favor  of  each. 
Let  us  take  the  specialist  first.  There  is  undoubtedly 
a great  satisfaction  in  talking  to  a man  who  is  master  of 
any  special  subject,  even  if  it  be  remote  from  ordinary 
life.  Intelligent  questions  will  draw  from  the  astrono- 
mer, from  the  chemist,  possibly  from  the  pure  mathe- 


28 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


matician,  curious  facts  and  interesting  views  on  the 
progress  of  discovery,  which  will  pleasantly  beguile  the 
time  even  in  a light-minded  and  frivolous  company. 
This  opens  a field  for  conversation  which  is  inaccessible 
if  there  be  no  one  present  to  explain  or  to  speak  with 
authority,  and  so  no  invitation  is  more  frequent  or  more 
welcome  than  to  come  and  meet  a man  celebrated  in  his 
own  line  and  of  wide  reputation.  The  very  fact  of 
meeting  such  a man  disposes  the  company  to  be  sym- 
pathetic, and  to  draw  from  him  the  secrets  of  his  knowl- 
edge. 

This  kind  of  vantage-ground  may  be  occupied  by  a 
man  of  no  original  capacity  or  deep  learning,  if  acci- 
dent has  made  him  intimate  with  some  exciting  or  ab- 
sorbing subject  of  the  day.  The  man  who  has  just 
escaped  a shipwreck,  or  fought  in  a famous  battle,  or 
survived  some  catastrophe,  has  for  the  moment  the  ad- 
vantage of  being  endowed  with  special  knowledge, 
which  everybody  wants  to  talk  about,  and  to  learn  par- 
ticulars from  the  actual  eye-witness.  Akin  to  this  is  the 
advantage  of  having  seen  and  conversed  with  the  great- 
est men  of  the  day — a feature  which  lends  the  principal 
charm  to  those  volumes  of  autobiography  or  of  Recol - 


IX 


70G  PERSISTENT 


29 


lections , which  approach  nearer  than  any  other  kind  of 
book'  to  the  conditions  of  a mere  conversation. 

§ 9.  Of  course  the  danger  with  either  of  these  spe- 
cialists, the  specialist  of  a day  or  the  specialist  of  years, 
is  that  he  will  not  leave  his  subject  when  it  has  been 
sufficiently  discussed,  as  he  will  probably  gauge  the  in- 
terest of  others  by  his  own  pre- occupation,  and  so  may 
become  not  a blessing  but  Na  bore  to  his  company. 
Though  this  is  frequently  the  case,  those  who  have 
gathered  company  about  them  for  conversation,  and 
have  long  experience  of  what  is  most  likely  to  succeed, 
will  agree  with  me  that  to  have  a specialist  present  is 
always  valuable.  If  other  topics  flag  an  appeal  to  this 
abundant  source  will  always  introduce  a new  current  of 
talk,  and  often  of  the  most  agreeable  kind. 

Neither  of  these  mental  conditions,  which  are  dis- 
tinctly valuable  in  society,  includes  the  case  of  special- 
ists on  topics  which  are  of  no  universal  or  no  permanent 
interest.  Thus  there  are  English  society  men  devoted 
to  one  particular  sport  or  one  narrow  pursuit,  upon 
which  they  can  talk  with  authority  indeed,  and  with 
interest,  but  only  to  those  who  have  received  the  same 
training.  A party  of  fox-hunters,  or  racing- men,  or 


30  ART  OF  CONVERSATION  sect'. 

college  dons,  or  stockbrokers,  who  rehearse  again  in 
the  evening  what  they  have  been  doing  all  day,  may 
indeed  amuse  themselves  with  talk,  but  in  no  sense  is  it 
good  conversation.  One  specialist,  as  I have  said,  may 
be  of  the  greatest  use  in  conversation.  A set  of  spe- 
cialists when  they  get  together  are  either  unintelligible 
to  the  average  mind  or  exceedingly  tedious. 

The  same  remarks  apply  to  specialists,  rpen  or  women, 
who  can  only  discuss  topics  interesting  to  one  sex.  I 
will  not  go  so  far  as  to  say  that  no  conversation  can  be 
first-rate  which  does  not  include  speakers  of  both  sexes; 
the  divergence  in  the  education  and  the  life  of  our  boys 
and  of  our  girls  is  still  too  wide  to  make  such  a limita- 
tion reasonable.  But  it  is  surely  a bad  sign  of  any  so- 
ciety to  find  men’s  parties  considered  more  agreeable 
than  those  of  both  sexes,  for  it  is  a sign  either  of  license 
in  men’s  talk  or  of  narrowness  in  women’s  education. 
There  are  cases  of  both  within  most  people’s  experience. 
The  latter  is  notably  the  case  in  some  parts  of  Ireland, 
and  arises  from  the  want  of  political  education  in  Irish 
women  of  any  but  the  highest  classes.  And  so  it  is  in 
many  other  countries.  But  this  is  verging  upon  the 
educational  conclusions,  which  we  must  postpone  to 
another  occasion. 


X 


GENERAL  INFORMATION 


31 


General  Knowledge 

§ 10.  We  come  now  to  the  broader  condition  of 
General  Knowledge.  This,  in  the  minds  of  m&ny, 
sums  up  in  itself  all  the  conditions  of  good  conversa- 
tion, and  yet  to  assert  it  is  so  partial  a truth  as  to  be 
practically  misleading.  A great  mistake  lies  at  the  root 
of  such  an  opinion,  which  assumes  that  the  first  object 
of  conversation  is  not  to  please  but  to  instruct.  I could 
produce  one  hundred  Irish  peasants  more  agreeable  than 
many  a highly-informed  Englishman,  and  yet  these 
peasants  might  in  many  cases  be  unable  to  read  or 
write.  Of  course  to  instruct  or  to  be  instructed  is  often 
very  pleasant,  and  so  far  knowledge,  general  or  special, 
is  a very  useful  help  to  conversation,  but  it  is  as  talk, 
not  as  a lesson,  that  we  must  here  regard  it. 

The  advantage  of  general  above  special  knowledge 
for  our  purpose  is  that  it  can  be  applied  in  a greater 
number  of  cases,  and  used  to  interest  a greater  number 
of  people.  The  man  of  general  knowledge  can  suit 
himself  to  various  company,  and,  if  he  is  not  able  to 
speak  with  the  authority  of  the  specialist,  can  at  least 


32 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SEfcT. 


help  and  stimulate  in  many  cases  where  the  latter  is 
likely  to  be  silent.  If  therefore  we  exclude  the  object 
of  gaining  information,  which  many  people  estimate, 
not,  indeed,  above  its  intrinsic  importance,  but  above 
its  importance  in  conversation,  regarded  not  as  a lesson, 
but  a recreation,  we  must  decide  that  general  informa- 
tion is  the  better  condition  to  promote  agreeable  social 
intercourse. 

> 

It  may  be  attained  in  two  directions ; either  by  the 
knowledge  of  books  or  the  knowledge  of  men.  The 
former  is  within  the  reach  of  most  men,  even  though  it 
requires  a peculiar  memory  to  make  it  applicable  with 
ease  and  readiness.  We  may  even  say  with  truth  that 
no  man  can  attain  to  general  knowledge  nowadays  with- 
out reading  many  books.  The  danger  of  a desultory 
habit,  very  likely  to  arise  from  skimming  the  mass  of 
ephemeral  literature  now  gushing  from  the  press  is,  that 
the  facts  acquired  will  not  be  set  in  order,  and  will  come 
out  as  untidy  scraps,  not  as  the  details  of  a proper  sys- 
tem of  study.  The  books  which  a man  reads  may 
either  be  the  great  masters,  which  are  perhaps  rather 
useful  for  cultivating  his  deeper  self  than  for  ordinary 
converse,  or  the  newest  authors,  whose  merits  are  still 


XI 


SOCIAL  EXPERIENCE 


33 


upon  trial,  and  who  therefore  afford  an  excellent  field 
for  discussion  and  criticism.  But  there  is  hardly  a dis- 
tinction to  be  drawn  between  the  specialist  in  great 
books  and  the  generalist  in  many,  for  all  people  are 
supposed  to  study  literature  in  general,  and  a good 
knowledge  of  either  familiar  or  fashionable  books  can 
hardly  fail  to  tell  in  any  gathering  of  cultivated  men 
and  women. 

§ xi.  There  is,  however,  another  kind  of  general 
knowledge  which  is  not  so  easy  to  acquire,  for  it  re- 
quires long  experience,  a certain  position  in  society, 
and  means  for  foreign  travel.  I mean  the  general 
knowledge  of  remarkable  men,  concerning  whom  the 
speaker  can  tell  his  recollections.  There  is  often  a man 
of  no  great  learning  or  ability  whose  official  position, 
tact,  or  private  means  have  brought  him  into  relation 
with  the  great  minds  about  whom  every  detail  is  inter- 
esting. Such  a man’s  general  knowledge  should  always 
make  him  an  agreeable  member  of  society.  Akin  to 
this  man  is  the  experienced  traveller  who  has  wandered 
through  many  lands  and  seen  the  cities  and  the  ways  of 
men.  The  peculiar  advantage  of  this  kind  of  general 
knowledge  for  conversation  is  that  its  very  acquisition 


3 


34 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


comes  in  the  practice  of  society,  and  that  all  those  de- 
fects of  narrowness,  awkwardness,  and  self-conscious- 
ness which  often  mar  the  man  of  books,  are  rubbed  off, 
as  the  phrase  is,  by  constant  friction  with  various  men. 
The  man  of  books,  on  the  contrary,  has  to  acquire  his 
store  in  the  silence  of  his  study,  and  hence  by  a process 
which  rather  untrains  him  for  talking,  so  that  even 
though  his  knowledge  when  acquired  may  be  of  more 
solid  and  permanent  value,  his  way  of  producing  it  may 
put  him  at  a disadvantage. 

Let  me  add  before  leaving  this  head  that  the  enor- 
mous increase  of  the  means  for  acquiring  knowledge, 
and  the  application  of  great  inventions  to  save  time  in 
so  doing,  are  by  no  means  accompanied  by  correspond- 
ing strides  in  the  art  of  conversation.  All  the  knowl- 
edge of  the  day  professes  to  be  curtailed  and  collected 
into  newspapers,  periodicals,  and  handbooks,  just  as  all 
the  travelling  of  the  day  is  done  by  rail  and  steam,  with 
the  aid  of  guide-books,  which  save  the  traveller  all  the 
trouble  and  all  the  education  of  thinking.  The  tourist 
who  formerly  went  through  Italy  with  his  vetturino , and 
saw  every  village  and  road  deliberately,  talking  with 
the  people  and  observing  national  life,  is  now  whirled 


XII 


DANGERS  OF  SMARTNESS 


35 


through  tunnels  and  by  night  from  one  capital  to  an- 
other, where  he  sees  what  Cook  or  Murray  chooses  him 
to  see,  just  as  the  man  who  trusts  the  newspapers  for  his 
knowledge  gets  scraps,  perversions,  even  lies,  served  up 
for  him  by  way  of  universal  information.  It  is  easy  to 
see  that  this  kind  of  training,  as  it  interferes  with  both 
liberty  and  leisure  of  thought,  and  induces  men  to 
spend  far  too  much  time  in  gathering  materials,  is  in 
no  way  conducive  to  the  improvement  of  conversation. 

Intellectual  Quickness 

§ 12.  What  has  hitherto  been  said  about  knowledge 
in  a man  of  conversation  has  left  out  of  all  account  the 
way  of  producing  it,  and  merely  considered  the  mental 
store  from  which  conversation  may  be  supplied.  But 
almost  as  important  as  these  materials,  is  the  faculty  of 
producing  them  without  effort.  This  quality  may  be 
called  intellectual  quickness , as  distinguished  from  sol- 
idity ; and  of  all  the  conditions  we  have  yet  discussed, 
this  seems  most  due  to  nature, ’and  unattainable  by  edu- 
cation. It  is  indeed  sometimes  a characteristic  of  na- 
tions. The  Irishman  or  the  Frenchman  will  show  this 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


quality  with  an  average  excellence  far  above  that  at- 
tained in  England  or  Germany.  It  may  of  course  be 
allied  with,  or  even  due  to,  some  such  moral  quality  as 
sympathy,  of  which  we  shall  speak  presently.  But  quite 
apart  from  moral  goodness,  a selfish  man,  who  has  no 
sympathy  for  his  company,  may,  by  the  quickness  of 
his  intellect,  show  brilliantly  in  conversation,  while  his 
more  solid  and  worthy  fellow  is  considered  a bore. 

As  I have  just  said,  this  brightness  is  generally  a gift 
of  nature.  Some  men  and  some  nations  are  born  with 
quick  wits.  But  even  so  it  is  a great  mistake  to  think 
that  it  may  not  be  vastly  improved  by  intercourse  with 
people  who  have  the  faculty  already  well  developed. 
Moreover,  it  is  a very  dangerous  advantage,  and  if  not 
deepened  by  solid  acquirements,  or  chastened  by  moral 
restraints,  may  make  a man  rather  the  scourge  than  the 
delight  of  his  company. 

For  this  is  the  mental  quality  which  is  the  foundation 
of  wit,  and  a joker  who  merely  consults  his  own  amuse- 
ment, or  the  amusement  of  some  of  his  hearers  at  the 
expense  of  others,  is  not  a good  converser.  The  ten- 
dency of  a very  quick  intellect  is  also  akin  to  impa- 
tience, and  so  it  will  interfere  with  and  cow  more  mod- 


XII 


ITS  .PROPER  USE 


37 


est  minds,  which  might  have  contributed  well  to  the 
feast  of  talk  had  they  been  allowed  to  work  without 
hurry  or  pressure.  So  strong  do  we  often  find  this 
contrast  that  it  is  unadvisable,  in  choosing  a set  of 
people  for  conversation,  to  bring  together  very  slow 
and  very  quick  intellects.  While  the  former  are  more 
dazzled  and  confused  than  pleased,  the  latter  feel  the 
delay  of  listening  to  long  and  deliberate  sentences  in- 
tolerable; and  so  a company  in  which  all  the  members 
are  socially  excellent  may  fail  to  be  pleasant  on  account 
of  the  mental  contrasts  of  its  members. 

Let  me  illustrate  it  by  an  extreme  case.  Who  would 
think  of  introducing  a young  brilliant  flashing  sceptic 
into  a society  of  grave  and  sober  orthodoxy  ? If  the 
conversation  did  not  soon  degenerate  into  acrid  con- 
troversy— the  very  lees  of  social  intercourse — it  would 
result  in  contemptuous  silence  on  one  side  or  other,  prob- 
ably with  the  contempt  so  transparent  as  to  challenge 
harsh  over-statement  from  the  talker  by  way  of  chal- 
lenge or  reply  to  unspoken  censure.  Could  anything 
be  more  ruinous  to  the  object  we  have  in  view?  It  may 
be  urged  on  the  other  hand  that  if  too  many  quick  in- 
tellects are  brought  together — not  a very  easy  thing,  by 


38 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


the  way,  to  accomplish — the  pressure  will  become  too 
great  and  the  conversation  move  so  fast  that  the  strain 
may  become  a weariness.  I think  that  any  danger  in 
this  direction  is  rather  due  to  the  moral  defects  of  the 
talkers  than  their  intellectual  brightness,  and  so  I shall 
discuss  this  point  under  another  head. 

But  if  the  quality  under  consideration  is  valuable  at 
all  times,  it  is  so  peculiarly  when  a number  of  strangers 
meet  together,  or  when  it  is  the  lot  of  men  and  women 
to  be  obliged  to  talk  together  in  dialogue,  upon  a stray 
or  sudden  occasion.  Then  it  is,  when  for  example  you 
go  down  to  dinner  with  a strange  man  or  woman  whose 
name  you  have  not  caught,  that  quickness  of  intellect 
becomes  the  prime  agent  in  starting  a pleasant  conver- 
sation. There  are,  indeed,  even  here  many  easy  rules 
which  may  help  to  get  over  the  initial  difficulty,  with- 
out those  initial  chords  about  the  weather  whereby  so 
many  people,  otherwise  really  intelligent,  hide  them- 
selves at  the  outset  under  the  prelude  of  commonplace. 
But  here  as  elsewhere  art  can  only  imitate  better  nature. 

It  is  further  to  be  added  that  a knowledge,  both  gen- 
eral and  special,  is  principally  to  be  expected  from 
men,  so  quickness  of  mind,  which  is  often  impaired  by 


XIII 


SOCIAL  VIRTUES 


39 


deeper  study,  is  the  proper  attribute  of  women,  and 
ought  to  be  the  distinctive  quality  of  their  conversation. 
This  is  supposed  to  be  so  in  French  society ; I cannot 
say  that  it  has  come  under  my  observation  as  a general 
law,  the  many  instances  which  I have  met  being  always 
noted  and  quoted  as  brilliant  and  as  exceptional,  so 
implying  that  it  was  not  the  rule. 


Moral  Conditions — Modesty 

§ 13.  We  may  now  pass  from  the  intellectual  condi- 
tions of  conversation  to  what  I may  call,  for  simplicity’s 
sake,  the  moral  conditions.  It  is,  pf  course,  certain 
that  these  so-called  moral  qualities  are  frequently  con- 
genital or  constitutional,  and  that,  therefore,  the  owner 
of  them  deserves  no  credit  for  possessing  them.  But 
as  they  are  qualities  enjoined  upon  us  by  moralists,  and 
are  in  any  case  analogous  to  moral  virtues,  we  may  in 
this  book,  which  does  not  affect  precise  philosophy, 
class  them  as  moral.  For  example,  the  instinct  of  so- 
ciality, which  is  really  the  same  as  the  gregarious  in- 
stinct in  birds  and  animals,  is  not  the  same  as  the  love 
of  our  neighbor  enjoined  by  the  Gospel,  but  is  closely 


40 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


connected  with  it,  for  to  be  social  without  being  civil 
is  not  possible,  and  civility  is  at  least  the  imitation  of 
friendship,  if  it  be  not  friendship  or  benevolence  in 
outward  acts  of  social  intercourse.  This,  too,  appears 
to  be  the  reason  why  a particular  class  of  social  instincts 
is  so  agreeable  lo  men,  and  so  honored  in  society — their 
close  relationship  to  moral  virtues. 

Let  me  take  up  the  first  and  most  obvious — Mod- 
esty. It  is  quite  certain  that  modesty  and  its  opposite 
are  congenital  to  various  people.  Those  who  have  to 
do  with  the  education  of  children  can  see  it  within 
the  limits  of  a family,  not  to  say  a school.  Some 
boys  and  girls  are  naturally  retiring,  and  think  little 
of  their  powers ; others  are  the  reverse.  But  here  too, 
as  we  all  know,  early  education  may  make  great  changes. 
A child  not  originally  remarkable  in  either  way  may  be 
unduly  brought  forward  and  applauded,  or  again  un- 
duly repressed  and  cowed,  so  that  the  constant  habit  of 
early  years  may  actually  modify  the  original  character 
in  either  of  two  opposite  directions.  But  this  is  only 
possible  when  the  original  nature  is  not  strongly  de- 
clared ; if  it  be  so,  I hold  the  educator  to  be  almost 
helpless. 


XIV 


VICIO  US  MODESTY 


4i 


When  the  child  is  growing  to  maturity  it  is  likely  to 
be  strongly  affected  by  watching  the  defects  of  others, 
or  hearing  the  frequent  censure  of  them.  Thus  I see 
that  the  children  of  people  with  too  much  manner  are 
apt  to  have  no  manner  at  all  (as  the  phrase  is),  and  the 
children  of  incessant  talkers  are  so  bored  with  this  so- 
cial vice  that  they  never  think  of  practicing  talk  during 
the  absence  of  their  parents.  Let  us  apply  these  re- 
marks to  modesty. 

§ 14.  There  is  no  quality  in  man,  still  more  in 
woman,  which  is  more  attractive  and  which  commands 
more  respect.  Every  intelligent  and  sympathetic  per- 
son makes  allowance  for  it  and  strives  to  lessen  th-e 
necessary  pains  which  it  inflicts  upon  the  possessor  of  it 
in  society.  It  is  akin  to  simplicity  and  honesty,  and 
opposed  to  that  artificiality  which  is  the  outward  and 
visible  sign  of  some  kind  of  dishonesty.  It  lends  a 
charm  to  youth  and  inexperience,  so  that  people  who 
are  wearied  with  the  labors  of  talking  to  worn  and 
world-stained  equals  feel,  as  it  were,  the  breath  of  gorse 
and  heather  after  the  odors  of  city  air  when  they  come 
in  contact  with  genuine  modesty.  It  is  a quality  some- 
times allied  with  that  heaven-born  genius  which  attains 


42  ART  OF  CONVERSATION  sect. 

great  results  without  apparent  effort,  and,  therefore,  is 
not  infected  with  the  pride  of  having  gained  conscious 
and  hard-fought  successes.  It  is,  lastly,  the  outcome  of 
great  and  solid  labor,  which  teaches  the  specialist  how 
much  he  fails  to  know,  and  the  general  student  how 
small  a fragment  of  human  knowledge  he  has  com- 
passed. Here  it  is  no  natural  quality,  but  an  acquired 
virtue;  yet  it  excites  the  same  kind  of  feeling  in  society. 

There  is,  therefore,  no  quality  more  highly  valuable 
in  society  and  more  certain,  within  limits , to  conduce 
to  agreeable  conversation.  Perhaps  the  clearest  reser- 
vation, and  one  which  will  cover  almost  all  the  various 
cases,  is  this : modesty  without  simplicity , though  it  may 
still  be  a moral  virtue,  is  always  a social  vice,  and  there- 
fore highly  detrimental  to  good  conversation ; for  as 
soon  as  modesty  becomes  conscious,  it  assumes  one  of 
two  forms — the  parade  of  apology  or  the  cloak  of  re- 
serve. 

I need  hardly  insist  that  the  man  or  woman  who  dis- 
plays modesty  by  constantly  apologizing  for  native  igno- 
rance or  stupidity  injures  conversation,  and  can  only 
amuse  a company  by  becoming  ridiculous.  What  we 
want  to  learn  from  each  member  is  his  free  opinion  on 


XV 


VICIOUS  SIMPLICITY 


43 


the  subject  in  hand,  not  his  own  estimate  of  the  value 
of  that  opinion.  How  evidently  this  is  a social  vice 
will  appear  from  the  fact  an  assumption  of  this  kind  of 
modesty  is  one  of  the  commonest  and  most  diverting 
forms  of  humor — I mean  the  irony  which  has  been  the 
helper  of  conversation  ever  since  the  days  of  Socrates, 
as  we  find  him  in  Plato’s  Dialogues. 


Moral  Conditions — Simplicity 

« 

§ 15.  We  cannot  analyze  the  second  form  of  con- 
scious modesty,  Reserve,  till  we  have  said  a few  words 
on  the  virtue  akin  to  modesty  which  reserve  particu- 
larly violates,  I mean  the  quality  of  Simplicity.  It  is 
a great  mistake  to  say  that  simplicity  as  such  is  always 
a virtue.  There  is,  for  example,  the  enfant  terrible , 
who  upsets  everybody  and  causes  shocking  shame  and 
confusion  by  the  indiscreet  directness  of  his  inquiries. 
The  very  same  kind  of  mistake  is  made  by  grown  peo- 
ple who  are  ignorant  of  the  ways  of  society,  such  as 
country  girls,  or  girls  of  an  inferior  rank,  who  are  mar- 
ried into  a cultivated  society,  and  who  are  allowed  such 
liberties,  either  for  their  beauty’s  sake,  or  for  novelty’s 


44 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


sake,  that  they  announce  whatever  comes  into  their 
head,  and  disturb  conversation  by  their  irrelevancy  and 
shallowness,  if  not  by  suggesting  subjects  undesirable  in 
general  society.  There  is  also  the  blunt  man,  whose 
simplicity  takes  the  form  of  rudeness,  who  thinks  it 
more  important  that  he  should  speak  out  the  plain 
truth  than  that  he  should  spare  the  feelings  of  others. 
This  is  again  a vice  parading  under  the  fprm  of  a virtue 
— perhaps  here  of  truthfulness  rather  than  simplicity, 
but  the  two  are  so  akin  that  at  this  point  we  need  not 
draw  distinctions.  The  conversational  side  of  truth- 
fulness is  after  all  little  more  than  directness  and  sim- 
plicity of  utterance. 

So  far  then  I have  put  the  defects  of  simplicity  first, 
because  they  are  more  likely  to  be  overlooked  than  its 
advantages.  When,  therefore,  these  important  limita- 
tions are  made,  and  they  affect  a great  number  of  cases, 
we  must  admit  that  there  is  the  greatest  charm  in  sim- 
plicity, in  the  temper  which,  without  assumption  of  ig- 
norance or  parade  of  inexperience,  opens  a candid  eye 
of  inquiry  upon  the  company,  receives  with  readiness 
new  information,  and  is  willing  to  tell  without  conceits 


XV 


VICIOUS  SIMPLICITY 


45 


or  ornaments  the  actual  impressions  in  the  speaker’s 
mind. 

It  may  be  found  not  only  along  with  genius,  which 
is  often  of  this  character,  but  along  with  mere  experi- 
ence and  acuteness;  we  hear,  for  example,  that  it  is 
the  leading  characteristic  of  Prince  Bismarck’s  conver- 
sation ; it  was  so  likewise,  as  I well  remember,  in  the 
conversation  of  the  late  Isaac  Butt,  an  Irish  genius  of 
the  highest  order,  and  a talker  second  to  none,  whose 
life  was  stormy,  and  whose  character  not  by  any  means 
such  as  would  naturally  imply  this  quality  of  simplicity. 

On  the  other  hand,  it  is  quite  extravagant  to  postu- 
late it  as  a necessary  sign  of  genius,  and  to  say  that 
those  who  are  wanting  in  it  are  certainly  wanting  either 
in  ability  or  honesty.  For  there  are  great  minds  natu- 
rally wanting  in  simplicity,  just  as  there  are  great 
minds  wanting  in  modesty  or  in  truthfulness — such  as 
J.  J.  Rousseau  and  the  great  Napoleon  in  the  latter 
two,  and  one  great  English  writer  of  our  day  in  the 
former,  whom  I need  not  name.  Human  nature  will 
not  be  tied  down  in  any  such  fetters. 

But  when  all  has  been  said  that  can  be  said  on  either 
side,  it  will  remain  certain  that  the  man  who  appears 


46 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


simple,  and  who  therefore  affects  his  company  with  the 
impression  that  they  are  in  direct  contact  with  his 
mind,  has  a distinct  advantage  over  those  who,  either 
from  conceits  of  style,  or  over-delicacy  of  sentiment, 
or  education  in  an  artificial  atmosphere,  appear  with 
their  minds  as  it  were  dressed  or  tattooed,  and  not  in 
the  purity  of  nature. 

I need  hardly  add  that  it  is  necessary)to  sever  sim- 
plicity from  modesty  as  social  qualities,  since  the  one 
may  even  contradict  the  other,  though  they  are  so  often 
in  harmony.  The  blunt  man  above  mentioned,  who 
speaks  out  his  mind  with  over-simplicity,  may  be  very 
devoid  of  modesty;  and,  conversely,  there  are  certain 
phases  of  modesty,  such  as  prudery , which  make  the 
speaker  avoid  simplicity,  and  cover  his  meaning  by 
various  subterfuges.  It  is  when  the  two  qualities  work 
together,  and  appear  habitual  to  the  speaker,  that  they 
produce  their  admirable  effect.  If  he  is  narrating,  for 
example,  a tragic  history,  or  story  of  adventure  in  which 
he  has  taken  part,  while  modesty  will  prevent  him  from 
magnifying  his  own  share  in  the  matter,  and  so  trying 
to  the  utmost  the  faith  of  his  hearers,  simplicity  will 
prevent  him  from  unduly  concealing  his  action,  and 


XVI  MODESTY  + SIMPLICITY  47 

will  ensure  that  he  tells  the  whole  truth,  so  far  as  he 
knows  it.  If,  again,  he  be  asked  his  opinion  on  a 
question  which  he  has  studied,  and  upon  which  he 
ought  to  be  an  authority,  his  modesty  may  prevent  him 
from  giving  the  company  the  benefit  of  his  knowledge, 
unless  his  simplicity  makes  him  attend  directly  to  the 
matter  in  hand,  and  not  to  the  position  of  referee  in 
which  he  suddenly  comes  to  be  placed. 


Moral  Conditions — Shyness,  Reserve 

§ 16.  We  have  kept  till  now  the  main  violation  of 
simplicity,  and  greatest  of  modern  hindrances  to  con- 
versation, which  we  have  already  mentioned  in  conned 
tion  with  modesty. 

What  distinction  are  we  to  make  between  Shyness 
and  Reserve,  two  qualities  whose  effects  are  generally 
similar,  and  each  of  which  is  a great  hindrance  to 
good  conversation  ? We  may  start  from  the  distinc- 
tions in  ordinary  use.  No  man  or  woman  will  openly 
claim  to  be  reserved,  but  many  will  plead  that  they  are 
shy.  The  reason  of  this  is  that  shyness  is  assumed  to 
be  a physical  or  at  least  constitutional  thing,  whereas 


48 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


reserve  implies  deliberate  choice  to  stand  aloof,  and 
repel  any  intimacy  of  conversation  as  unwarranted 
either  by  the  circumstances  or  by  the  relative  position 
of  the  speakers.  Thus  though  reserve  may  arise  from 
modesty,  it  is  generally  a form  of  pride,  which  for 
that  reason  no  one  will  attribute  to  himself.  On  the 
other  hand  shyness  is  either  assumed  to  be  a form,  or 
an  excess,  of  modesty,  which  is  a virtue,  or  it  is  as- 
sumed to  be  congenital,  and  therefore  a defect  to  be 
excused  rather  than  a fault  to  be  censured.  So  shy 
people  as  a rule  rather  “ fancy  themselves  for  though 
they  urge  their  peculiarity  as  an  excuse  for  social 
defects,  there  lies  deeper  a secret  conviction  that  they 
at  least  have  escaped  the  vice  of  forwardness,  or  of 
that  coarseness  of  mental  fibre  which  is  implied  in 
forwardness.  Accordingly,  though  there  are  many 
people  who  sincerely  regret  their  shyness  upon  par- 
ticular occasions,  as,  for  example,  when  they  are  com- 
pelled to  make  a speech,  or  entertain  some  great 
personage,  yet  you  will  not  find  very  many  who  would 
exchange  it  as  a permanent  quality  for  perfect  ease,  or 
assurance,  or  total  absence  of  nervousness,  or  what- 
ever else  the  opposite  of  shyness  may  be  called.  The 


XVII 


INSINCERITY  OF  SHYNESS 


49 


more  we  reflect  on  this  and  other  similar  symptoms  in 
shyness,  the  more  we  shall  be  convinced  that  here  we 
have  not,  as  a rule , to  deal  with  mere  modesty,  but 
with  conscious  modesty ; with  modesty  without  sim- 
plicity, and  therefore  really  with  a subtle  form  of 
conceit. 

§ 17.  There  are  of  course  cases  of  children  who  are 
allowed  to  run  away  whenever  a stranger  appears,  as  if 
nature  were  a state  of  war,  and  man  the  natural  enemy 
of  man.  Such  children  will  require  training  to  be 
cured  of  their  own  and  their  parents’  stupidity,  and 
must  be  taught  that  every  stranger  is  not  a bogy.  But 
this  is  mere  domestication,  such  as  we  apply  to  the 
lower  animals.  It  is  also  possible,  though  rare,  that 
some  people  of  refinement  and  culture  may  have  a 
physical  repugnance  to  meeting  any  but  their  intimates, 
and  that  they  may  make  honest  efforts  in  vain  to  over- 
come this  stubborn  nervousness.  The  great  majority  of 
shy  people  are  not  of  this  kind.  Thus  you  will  see  a 
girl  extremely  shy  in  ordinary  society,  who  blossoms 
out  when  she  receives  attentions  from  some  one  who 
may  possibly  marry  her.  Or  else  you  may  find  a youth, 
who  jumps  over  a hedge  to  avoid  meeting  a party  of 


4 


5o 


ART'  OF'CGNVERSATIOJV 


SECT 


his  acquaintances  on  a country  road,  anything  but 
modest  in  lower  society,  thus  showing  that  it  is  a con- 
sciousness of  unfitness  for  good  company  and  a fear  of 
being  criticized  which  dominate  him.  In  almost  all 
the  cases  which  occur  there  is  therefore  modesty  with- 
out simplicity,  a conscious  and  almost  guilty  air ; it  is 
often  nothing  better  than  vanity,  which  fears  the  results 
of  conversation  ; which  desires  to  be  thought  well  of, 
and  which  from  mistrust  of  itself  puts  on  the  garb  of 
modesty. 

If  shyness  really  arises  from  this  cause  it  is  distinctly 
a moral  fault.  But  in  any  case  it  is  socially  little 
short  of  a vice.  How  can  any  conversation  be  easy 
and  natural,  how  can  it  range  from  topic  to  topic,  and 
bring  out  the  tempers  and  the  characters  of  the  speak- 
ers, if  any  of  them  displays  this  vice  by  dogged 
silence,  by  conscious  blushing  when  any  personal  topic 
arises,  or  by  the  awkwardness  which  always  accom- 
panies this  preoccupation  with  one’s  self?  If  then  the 
capital  conditions  of  pleasant  intercourse  are  modesty 
and  simplicity,  this  defect,  which  always  contradicts 
the  latter,  and  generally  both  of  them,  is  to  be  re- 
garded as  the  most  prevalent  and  injurious  anti-social 


XVIII 


USES  OF  EE  SEE  VE 


5* 


vice.  The  only  high  quality  which  may  be  concealed, 
or  perhaps  even  displayed  by  shyness,  is  a delicate  sen- 
sitiveness, which  shy  people  generally  postulate  in 
themselves,  but  which  has  far  better  and  nobler  ways 
of  affecting  society  than  by  impeding  conversation. 

§ 1 8.  Reserve,  which  few  venture  to  claim  for  them- 
selves, is  a far  higher  and  better  feeling,  for  it  implies 
that  the  unwillingness  to  enter  upon  conversation  arises 
from  some  deliberate  judgment  as  to  the  relative  posi- 
tions of  the  speaker  and  his  company — often  a correct 
judgment,  saving  us  from  the  vice  of  familiarity,  which 
in  an  inferior  is  offensive,  in  a superior  uncomfortable, 
in  either  case  distinctly  vulgar.  We  feel  that  reserve 
can  be  laid  aside  in  pleasant  moments,  and  among  con- 
genial people,  and  that  there  is  often  force  as  well  as 
dignity  behind  it.  But  it  is  rarely  a virtue  which  im- 
proves conversation,  and  therefore  need  not  occupy  us 
here.  It  may  indeed  act  as  a check  on  license,  and  so 
by  bringing  the  company  back  from  some  aberration, 
start  it  afresh  on  nobler  and  pleasanter  topics.  This  is 
so  indirect  a mode  of  action,  and  may  be  so  much  more 
easily  attained  in  other  ways,  that  I need  only  mention 
it  here  for  completeness’  sake. 


52 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


Unselfishness 

§ 19.  Next  to  modesty  and  simplicity  I class  the 
moral  virtue  of  unselfishness . It  is  very  characteristic 
that  we  have  no  other  word  for  this  noble  quality  than 
the  mere  negation  of  its  opposite — the  most  prevalent 
vice  in  the  world.  Why  can  we  not  describe  it  better? 
Because  in  particular  connections  it  has  other  names — 
loyalty,  devotion,  self  sacrifice,  which  occupy  a part  of 
the  ground  with  more  especial  attributes.  We  are  not 
here  concerned  with  these  heights  of  human  nature, 
with  the  nobility  of  grand  and  pathetic  moments. 
What  shows  itself  in  these  as  devotion  and  self-sacrifice 
bears  in  our  commonplace  life  a negative  and  nonde- 
scriptive  name,  and  is  yet  a very  distinct  and  valuable 
quality,  distinct  from  simplicity,  distinct  even  from 
sympathy,  with  which  it  is  so  often  allied ; it  may  dis- 
play itself  in  all  kinds  of  men  and  women  who  take 
part  in  a conversation.  It  is  not  less  important  to  the 
silent  man  than  to  the  talkative  man,  though  the  latter 
case  is  the  more  obvious.  The  good  talker  who  mo- 
nopolizes conversation,  who  insists  on  keeping  other 


XIX 


THE  SELFISH  TALKER 


53 


people  waiting  that  he  may  finish  his  story,  who  tells 
anecdotes  which  are  evidently  unpleasant  to  some  of  the 
company,  but  will  not  forego  his  joke  for  the  sake  of 
others — the  social  bully  who  makes  butts  of  the  more 
retiring,  and  sallies  at  their  expense,  is  the  most  obvious 
case  of  a man  failing  from  selfishness,  and  losing  the 
great  natural  advantages  he  possesses,  through  want  of 
the  opposite  quality.  This  is  the  man  too  who  inter- 
rupts others,  who  refuses  to  exercise  for  a moment  that 
patience  which  he  so  often  exacts. 

I set  down  these  people  as  failures,  and  such  they 
really  are  in  the  truest  and  highest  sense,  for  they  cer- 
tainly kill  more  conversation  than  they  create,  nor  do 
they  understand  that  the  very  meaning  of  the  word  im- 
plies a contribution-feast,  an  eranos , as  the  Greeks  would 
say,  not  the  entertainment  provided  by  a single  host. 
But  alas ! in  a lesser  and  looser  sense  these  people  often 
dominate  society  for  years,  and  are  even  sought  out  as 
social  conveniences,  who  will  keep  things  going  at  a 
dinner  table,  and  supply  the  defects  of  silence  and  dul- 
ness  so  painfully  common  in  English  more  than  in  other 
societies.  But  the  punishment  of  the  selfish  talker  is 
sure  to  come  at  last,  when  he  lives  till  his  vivacity  and 


54 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


his  power  of  acquiring  new  things  fail,  while  he  still 
presumes  on  his  old  reputation.  He  is  then  discovered 
to  be  an  intolerable  bore;  which,  indeed,  from  a 
higher  point  of  view,  was  always  the  case  ; and  there- 
upon society,  which  is  as  selfish  as  he  is,  and  insists  on 
being  amused  at  all  costs,  throws  him  aside  with  con- 
tempt. He  has  perhaps  still  one  place  of  refuge ; he 

may  become  a high  priest  in  that  great  modern  temple 

. 

of  selfishness — his  club;  but  even  there  his  popularity 
has  waned,  and  he  sinks  into  that  old  age  unfriended 
and  unsociable — atyCkov  anpoadfulov- — which  Sophocles  re- 
garded as  one  of  the  tragic  features  in  the  life  of  man. 

§ 20.  I turn  now  to  a far  more  common,  but  less 
observed  and  less  censured  case  of  social  selfishness, 
which  requires  urgently  to  be  brought  into  the  light  of 
criticism.  No  man  requires  to  practice  unselfishness 
more  than  the  silent  man ; for  as  everybody  is  able  to 
contribute  and  ought  to  contribute  something,  so  the 
man  who  thrusts  himself  into  society  to  enjoy  the  talk 
of  others,  and  will  take  no  trouble  to  help,  to  suggest, 
or  to  encourage,  is  really  a serious  offender.  I have 
known  a person  of  good  position,  and  not  the  least 
wanting  in  brains,  who  would  insist  in  sitting  at  dinner 


XX 


THE  SELFISH  MUTE 


55 


between  the  two  most  agreeable  people  in  the  room,  in 
order  that  he  might  eat  and  listen,  while  under  no  cir- 
cumstances would  he  make  the  smallest  effort  to  enter- 
tain in  return.  These  silent  people  not  only  take  all 
they  can  get  in  society  for  nothing,  but  they  take  it 
without  the  smallest  gratitude,  and  have  the  audacity 
afterwards  to  censure  those  who  have  labored  for  their 
amusement. 

I ask  the  reader’s  pardon  for  illustrating  this  import- 
ant fact  by  a personal  anecdote.  In  a country  house 
where  I was  staying,  the  host  had  invited  the  colonel 
commanding  a neighboring  depot  and  his  wife  to  din- 
ner, and  the  conversation  was  flagging  seriously.  Some 
mention  of  New  Zealand  in  that  day’s  papers  suggested 
it  as  a topic,  upon  which  a couple  of  us  brought  out  all 
we  knew  about  New  Zealand,  discussed  the  natives, 
then  savages  generally,  and  so  restored  the  fortunes  of 
the  evening.  The  colonel  and  his  wife  still  sat  silent. 
When  they  were  gone  we  said  to  the  host  that  we 
thought  it  very  hard  work  to  entertain  people  who 
would  not  say  anything  to  anybody.  He  replied  that 
they  had  said  something  as  they  got  into  their  carriage. 
What  was  it  ? The  colonel  observed  that  it  was  very 


56 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


impertinent  of  people  to  talk  about  countries  they  had 
never  seen,  especially  in  presence  of  a man  like  him- 
self, who  had  not  only  lived  for  years  in  New  Zealand, 
but  had  written  a book  about  it ! This  was  the  thanks 
we  got. 

§ 21.  There  is  another  special  scope  for  unselfishness 
in  society,  which  may  fitly  find  its  place  here.  In 
every  company  there  may  be  people  either  socially  or 
intellectually  inferior  to  the  rest,  who  feel  themselves 
somewhat  out  of  it  (to  use  a vulgar  phrase),  and  whom 
the  selfish  man,  the  big  talker,  the  ambitious  man,  is’ 
apt  to  ignore.  And  yet  these  very  people  may  be  i‘n 
possession  of  knowledge  or  of  mental  qualities  which 
will  be  of  the  highest  value  in  conversation.  It  requires 
unselfishness  to  watch  them,  to  appeal  to  their  sym- 
pathies, to  draw  them  into  the  stream,  and  make  them 
feel  that  instead  of  being  outsiders  they  are  really 
among  people  anxious  to  know  what  they  think  and  to 
hear  what  they  have  to  say.  Many  a time  have  I seen 

an  unknown  and  obscure  person  drawn  out  in  this  way 

* 

become  the  leading  feature  in  a delightful  evening  ; for 
fresh  and  curious  knowledge,  which  suddenly  springs 
from  an  unexpected  source,  can  hardly  fail  to  be  pro- 


XXII 


THE  VICE  OF  SILENCE 


57 


foundly  interesting,  and  to  stimulate  all  the  active 
minds  that  hear  it.  Thus  I remember  a stupid  young 
man  successfully  probed  by  an  intelligent  person,  till  it 
accidentally  came  out  that  he  knew  all  about  the  wild 
cattle  in  Lord  Tankerville’s  park  (Chillingham  Forest). 
From  that  moment  he  took  the  lead  in  the  conversa- 
tion, and  excited  a most  interesting  discussion,  in 
which  several  very  dull  country  farmers  took  an  ani- 
mated interest. 

All  this  can  be  done  by  mere  intellectual  unselfish- 
ness, by  the  man  or  woman  who  considers  That  each 
person  in  a society  should  be  attended  to,  and  if 
possible  compelled  to  contribute  to  the  general  enter- 
tainment. But  it  is  both  rare  to  find  this  kind  of 
unselfishness  and  difficult  to  apply  it  without  the  sub- 
sidiary faculty  or  constitution  of  mind,  which  many 
think  the  whole  root  of  good  conversation — I mean 
sympathy. 


Sympathy 

§ 22.  The  great  Adam  Smith,  in  a book  he  called 
Moral  Sentiments , which  he  seems  to  have  thought  out 
as  a sort  of  antidote  to  the  selfishness  of  the  Wealth  of 


58 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


Nations , managed  to  deduce  all  the  virtues  from  this 
one  root  of  Sympathy.  Starting  from  the  fact  that  man 
is  a gregarious  animal,  with  social  instincts,  he  showed 
that  the  desire  to  be  in  sympathy  with  our  fellow-crea- 
tures, and  so  command  their  love  and  respect,  made  us 
watch  them,  consider  what  they  felt  about  us,  and  avoid 
everything  which  might  shock  or  hurt  their  opinions  or 
their  feelings.  It  was  this  indefinite  apd  impersonal 
public  opinion  which  was  by  degrees  made  a part  of 
ourselves,  and  under  the  name  of  conscience  was  set  up 
as  “a  man  within  the  breast  ” of  each  of  us  to  approve 
and  disapprove  even  our  most  secret  actions. 

I quote  this  once  famous  theory  here,  to  show  how  a 
great  thinker,  probably  the  greatest  of  his  age,  esti- 
mated the  force  and  influence  of  sympathy ; and  what- 
ever exaggerations  he  may  have  made  concerning  it  in 
the  province  of  morals,  it  seems  hard  to  over-estimate 
it  in  the  province  of  social  intercourse.  The  first  con- 
dition of  any  conversation  at  all  is,  that  the  people 
should  have  their  minds  so  far  in  sympathy  that  they  are 
willing  to  talk  upon  the  same  subject,  and  to  hear  what 
each  member  of  the  company  thinks  about  it.  The 
higher  condition  which  now  comes  before  us  is,  that 


XXII 


THE  POWER  OF  BEAUTY 


59 


the  speaker,  apart  from  the  matter  of  the  conversation, 
feels  an  interest  in  his  hearers  as  'distinct  persons, 
whose  opinions  and  feelings  he  desires  to  know. 

This  is  the  real  secret  of  the  power  of  personal 
beauty  in  society.  Only  a very  small  number  of  people 
will  fall  in  love  with  each  beautiful  man  or  woman.  But 
nearly  every  one  will  be  so  far  attracted  by  beauty  that  he 
will  pay  attention  to  what  the  beautiful  person  says,  and 
feel  a keen  interest  to  know  what  mind  and  temper 
accompany  such  perfection  of  form.  Thus  personal 
beauty  secures  the  sympathy  of  any  company ; so  much 
so,  that  even  when  found  out  to  be  a mere  shell,  with  no 
mental  force  behind  it,  the  attraction  lasts,  and  lends 
some  charm  to  what  would  otherwise  be  called  trivial 
and  stupid.  This  natural  sympathy  with  beauty  of  ex- 
ternal form  is  a sort  of  symbol  of  the  feeling  which 
seeks  for  any  mental  beauty  or  advantage  to  be  found 
in  a company,  and  by  showing  an  interest  in  it,  dis- 
poses the  possessor  of  it  to  expand  and  become  friendly 
in  response  to  such  appreciation.  The  sympathetic 
man  will  feel  that  his  company  talk  best  about  the 
things  they  know  best,  or  have  had  special  opportuni- 
ties of  learning,  and  he  will  be  naturally  anxious  to  find 


6o 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


the  best  side  of  them,  and  to  exhibit  it  by  his  sugges- 
tions. And  as  in  every  conversation  there  must  not 
only  be  good  talking  but  good  listening,  the  intellect- 
ual gifts  which  make  the  talker  are  often  marred  if  he 
has  not  the  sympathy  which  makes  the  listener. 

This  remark  suggests  that  the  social  virtues  of  the 
sexes  are  broadly  distinguished  by  some  such  principle. 
Women  ought  not  to  be  obliged  to  lead  ii^  a conversa- 
tion, but  it  will  grow  dry  and  dull  if  they  are  not  ready 
with  their  sympathy  to  hear  what  is  said  with  pleasure, 
and  to  stimulate  others  by  quick  and  intelligent  appre- 
ciation. I have  known  a clever  woman  maintain  a de- 
servedly high  character  for  her  conversation  who  really 
said  very  little,  but  was  so  sympathetic  that  she  made 
her  guests  eloquent,  and  thus  so  thoroughly  pleased 
with  themselves,  that  she  was  lit  up  by  the  glow  of  their 
satisfaction,  and  earned  very  justly  the  credit  for  talk- 
ing well  simply  because  she  made  others  talk.  There 
is  probably  no  social  talent  higher  than  this — or  rarer. 
There  is  even  a special  virtue  consisting  in  sympathetic 
silence,  which  is  very  different  from  the  selfish  silence 
already  described.  It  was  said  with  truth  that  no  man 
is  really  worth  having  as  a companion  with  whom  you 


XXIII 


SPEAKING  SILENCE 


61 


could  not  contentedly  walk  or  stay  in  silence.  This  is 
of  course  a sign  of  close  intimacy,  and  perfect  freedom 
on  both  sides  to  meditate  apart,  even  when  together, 
without  giving  or  taking  any  offence.  Among  real 
friends  silence  is  no  sign  of  estrangement,  and  it  se- 
cures that  the  conversation  which  arises  is  perfectly 
spontaneous,  which  is,  alas ! impossible,  if  we  are  in 
the  society  of  mere  acquaintances  who  will  construe 
our  silence  as  rudeness. 

Sympathy  therefore  contributes  both  directly  and  in- 
directly to  the  good  of  social  intercourse. 

§ 23.  But  'I  suppose  no  one  will  be  disposed  to  dis- 
pute this,  or  to  underrate  the  value  of  sympathy  as  a 
quality  for  conversation.  It  is  much  more  likely  that 
people  may  think  to  simplify  the  whole  matter  by  argu- 
ing that,  with  the  postulate  of  some  brains  and  some 
education,  all  that  is  required  is  sympathy,  and  the 
more  of  it  the  better,  so  that  nothing  else  remains  to 
be  said.  We  must  therefore  consider  carefully  how  far 
this  is  true,  and  whether  there  be  not  some  important 
limitations  which  complicate  the  question. 

There  is  one  on  the  very  surface.  Sympathy  must 
not  be  excessive  in  quality,  which  makes  it  demonstra- 


62 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


tive,  and  therefore  likely  to  repel  its  object.  We  have 
an  excellent  word  which  describes  the  over-sympathetic 
person,  and  marks  the  judgment  of  society,  when  we 
say  that  he  or  she  is  gushing.  Of  course  as  women  are 
more  frequently  endowed  with  this  virtue  than  men, 
they  also  err  more  frequently  in  the  excess,  at  least  in 
Teutonic  races,  for  among  Latin  races  a gushing  man 
is  quite  a common  phenomenon.  This  sprt  of  person 
not  only  volunteers  to  show  his  sympathy  before  it  is 
required,  and  often  spoils  conversation  at  the  outset, 
but  is  ever  ready  to  agree  with  everybody,  so  making 
discussion,  which  implies  differences  in  opinion,  im- 
possible. There  results  a social  impression  of  a mixed 
kind,  which  is  even  more  disagreeable  than  downright 
dislike,  and  therefore  socially  worse — I mean  that  of 
feeling  a dislike,  and  even  something  like  contempt,  for  a 
person  who  is  known  to  be  full  of  goodness  and  benev- 
olence. Many  people  resent  being  obliged  to  confuse 
their  judgment  in  this  way,  and  feel  a stronger  antipa- 
thy to  this  marred  goodness  than  to  proclaimed  evil. 

In  the  next  place,  sympathy  must  not  be  excessive  in 
quantity  or  indiscriminate,  otherwise  it  ceases  to  have 
any  great  social  value.  The  easiest,  but  also  the  shal- 


XXIII 


GUSHING 


63 


lowest  way  of  conveying  your  sympathy  to  another  is  to 
join  with  him  in  some  strong  antipathy,  thus  showing 
that  all  the  world  cannot  claim  your  friendship,  but  that 
you  distribute  your  likes  and  dislikes  with  judgment  and 
discrimination.  A man  who  is  known  to  have  a special 
sympathy  for  some  particular  age  or  sex  or  class  in  so- 
ciety is  far  more  agreeable  to  that  class  than  he  who 
embraces  all  the  world  in  his  affections.  Nay,  if  one 
usually  reserved  or  shy  expands  for  once,  or  to  some 
few  people,  in  contrast  to  his  usual  habit,  this  sympathy 
is  indeed  treasured  as  a real  token  of  confidence. 

These  and  many  similar  observations,  which  will  oc- 
cur to  the  intelligent  reader,  will  indicate  how  import- 
ant are  the  limitations  of  sympathy,  and  how  essential 
it  is  that  this,  like  every  other  social  virtue,  should  be 
carefully  husbanded,  and  not  squandered  at  random 
without  regard  to  its  value.  I should  add  that  the  fore- 
going remarks  are  specially  applicable  to  English  (I  do 
not  mean  English-speaking)  society.  There  is  no  peo- 
ple more  distant  and  reserved  in  social  intercourse,  or 
that  more  resents  any  display  of  feeling,  especially  of 
sympathy,  without  a careful  introduction  of  it,  and 
without  considerable  intimacy  among  the  company. 


SECT. 


64  ART  OF  CONVERSATION 

Thus  those  who  are  accustomed  to  freer  and  more  out- 
spoken societies,  not  to  say  French  and  Italian  life, 
may  make  social  mistakes  in  England  on  the  score  of 
sympathy,  which  are  sins  only  in  the  heavy  atmosphere 
of  Anglo-Saxon  manners. 

Moral  Conditions — Tact 

§ 24.  The  highest  and  best  of  all  the  moral  condi- 
tions for  conversation  is  what  we  call  tact.  I say  a con- 
dition, for  it  is  very  doubtful  whether  it  can  be  called  a 
single  and  separate  quality;  more  probably  it  is  a com- 
bination of  intellectual  quickness  with  lively  sympathy. 
But  so  clearly  is  it  an  intellectual  quality,  that  of  all 
others  it  can  be  greatly  improved,  if  not  actually  ac- 
quired, by  long  experience  in  society.  Like  all  social 
excellences  it  is  almost  given  as  a present  to  some  peo- 
ple, while  others  with  all  possible  labor  never  acquire  it. 
As  in  billiard-playing,,  shooting,  cricket,  and  all  these 
other  facilities  which  are  partly  mental  and  partly  phy- 
sical, so  in  tact  many  never  can  pass  a certain  point  of 
mediocrity;  but  still  in  all  these  accomplishments,  even 
those  who  have  the  talent  must  practice  it,  and  only  be- 


XXIV 


SOURCES  OF  TACT 


65 


come  really  distinguished  through  hard  work.  So  it  is 
in  art.  Music  and  painting  are  not  to  be  attained  by 
the  crowd.  Not  even  the  just  criticism  of  these  arts  is 
attainable  without  certain  natural  gifts;  but  a great 
deal  of  practice  in  good  galleries  and  at  good  concerts, 
and  years  spent  among  artists,  will  do  much  to  make 
even  moderately-endowed  people  sound  judges  of  excel- 
lence. 

Tact,  which  is  the  sure  and  quick  judgment  of  what 
is  suitable  and  agreeable  in  society,  is  likewise  one  of 
those  delicate  and  subtle  qualities,  or  a combination  of 
qualities,  which  is  not  very  easily  defined,  and  therefore 
not  teachable  by  fixed  precepts ; but  we  can  easily  see 
that  it  is  based  011  all  the  conditions  we  have  already 
discussed.  Some  people  attain  it  through  sympathy; 
others  through  natural  intelligence;  others  through  a 
calm  temper ; others  again  by  observing  closely  the 
mistakes  of  their  neighbors.  As  its  name  implies,  it  is 
a sensitive  touch  in  social  matters,  which  feels  small 
changes  of  temperature,  and  so  guesses  at  changes  of 
temper ; which  sees  the  passing  cloud  on  the  expression 
of  one  face,  or  the  eagerness  of  another  that  desires  to 
bring  out  something  personal  for  others  to  enjoy.  This 
5 


66 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


quality  of  tact  is  of  course  applicable  far  beyond  mere 
actual  conversation.  In  nothing  is  it  more  useful  than 
in  preparing  the  right  conditions  for  a pleasant  society, 
in  choosing  the  people  who  will  be  in  mutual  sympathy, 
in  thinking  over  pleasant  subjects  of  talk  and  suggest- 
ing them,  in  seeing  that  all  disturbing  conditions  are 
kept  out,  and  that  the  members  who  are  to  converse 
may  be  secured  from  those  small  yiconveniences  which 
damage  society  so  vastly  out  of  proportion  to  their  in- 
trinsic importance. 

§ 25.  This  social  skill  is  generally  supposed  to  be 
congenital,  especially  in  some  women,  and  no  one 
thinks  of  laying  down  rules  for  it,  as  its  application  is 
so  constant,  various,  and  often  sudden.  Yet  it  is  cer- 
tain that  any  one  may  improve  himself  by  reflection  on 
the  matter,  and  so  avoid  those  shocking  mistakes  which 
arise  from  social  stupidity.  Thus,  in  the  company  of  a 
woman  who  is  a man’s  third  wife,  most  people  will  in- 
stinctively avoid  jokes  about  Blue  Beard,  or  anecdotes 
of  comparison  between  a man’s  several  wives,  of  which 
so  many  are  current  in  Ireland.  But  quite  apart  from 
instinct,  an  experienced  man  who  is  going  to  tell  a story 
which  may  have  too  much  point  for  some  of  those  pres- 


XXV 


FEELING  THE  PULSE 


67 


ent,  will  look  round  and  consider  each  member  of  the 
party,  and  if  there  be  a single  stranger  there  whose 
views  are  not  familiar  to  him,  he  will  forego  the  pleasure 
of  telling  the  story  rather  than  make  the  social  mis- 
take of  hurting  even  one  of  the  guests.  On  the  other 
hand,  this  very  example  shows  how  a single  stranger 
may  spoil  a whole  conversation  by  inducing  caution  in 
the  speakers  and  imposing  upon  them  such  reserve  as  is 
inconsistent  with  a perfectly  easy  flow  of  talk. 

Another  evidence  of  tact  is  the  perception  that  a 
topic  has  been  sufficiently  discussed,  and  is  on  the  point 
of  becoming  tedious.  There  is  nothing  in  which  elderly 
people  more  frequently  transgress,  for  even  those  once 
gay  and  brilliant  are  almost  certain  to  become  prosy 
with  age,  and  to  dwell  upon  their  favorite  topics  as  if 
this  preference  were  shared  by  all  society.  But  even 
the  young  are  here  also  upon  their  trial,  and  show  their 
tact  by  refraining  from  too  many  questions  or  too  much 
argument  upon  any  single  subject,  which  may  be  tedious 
to  others.  The  ideal  host  and  hostess  make  it  their  first 
duty  to  watch  this  human  weakness,  and  to  lead  away 
the  conversation  when  it  threatens  to  stay  in  the  same 
groove.  It  is  better  to  do  this  bluntly  and  confessedly 


68 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT, 


than  to  refrain  from  doing  it.  But  the  quality  of  tact, 
as  it  quickly  perceives  the  growing  mischief,  is  also 
quick  of  resource  in  devising  such  interruptions  as  may 
seem  natural  or  unavoidable,  so  as  to  beguile  the  com- 
pany into  new  paths,  and  even  make  the  too  persistent 
members  lay  aside  their  threadbare  discussion  without 
regret. 

3 

Conditions  too  General — Moral  Worth  and 
Truthfulness 

§ 26.  All  the  faculties  hitherto  enumerated  are  among 
those  which  are  capable  of  improvement  by  conscious 
training.  Yet  I have  over  and  over  again  admitted  that 
nature — probably  meaning  by  nature  heredity — has  en- 
dowed some  people  with  gifts  which  others  must  strive 
to  attain  by  exercise.  But  I have  hitherto  excluded 
such  conditions  as  are  either  too  wide  to  be  called  con- 
ditions of  conversation,  or  too  special  ever  to  be  at- 
tained without  great  and  peculiar  natural  gifts. 

Of  the  first  kind  are  general  moral  worth  and  truth- 
fulness, which  afford  the  proper  ground  for  respect,  and 
which  therefore  give  weight  and  importance  to  anything 


XXVI 


EXCESSIVE  GOODNESS 


69 


the  speaker  says.  In  cases  of  moral  doubt,  in  cases  of 
disputed  fact,  the  authority  of  such  a person  is  a wel- 
come haven  of  rest  for  those  that  distrust  other  evi- 
dence, and  like  a great  authority  in  a science  expound- 
ing the  principles  of  that  science,  so  a man  or  woman 
of  high  character  may  be  of  much  service  in  conversa- 
tion. But  of  course  it  would  be  ridiculous  to  recom- 
mend the  cultivation  of  this  lofty  character  for  the  sake 
of  conversation.  It  is  perhaps  more  practical  to  ob- 
serve that  an  over-seriousness  in  morals  may  be  detri- 
mental to  the  ease  and  grace,  above  all  to  the  playful- 
ness, of  talk.  Let  me  not  be  misunderstood  in  this 
matter.  There  is  no  more  valuable  and  useful  check  on 
the  degenerating  of  talk  into  ribaldry,  profanity,  or 
indecency,  than  the  presence  of  a mind  of  solid  moral 
worth,  which  will  not  tolerate  such  license.  There  are 
companies,  especially  of  young  men,  where  such  things 
are  taken  for  wit,  and  which  thus  show  a degradation 
of  the  conception  of  talk  that  would  very  soon  render 
conversation  intolerable  to  any  intelligent  man,  not 
only  from  its  coarseness  but  from  its  dullness.  No  man, 
no  society,  can  be  called  witty,  which  has  not  far  better 
credentials  than  that.  Every  company  of  men  ought 


70 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


sect. 


to  import  two  or  three  grave  and  reverend  people  into 
their  circle  for  the  purpose  of  checking  such  ruinous 
excesses,  if  there  be  any  probability  that  the  conversa- 
tion may  stray  into  this  slough  of  mire. 

§ 27.  But  on  the  other  hand  there  is  such  a thing — 
Aristotle  saw  it  long  ago — as  being  over-scrupulous  in 
truthfulness,  when  we  are  indulging  in  the  relaxation  of 
easy  conversation.  Even  a consummate  liar,  though 
generally  vulgar,  and  therefore  offensive,  will  contribute 
more  pleasantly  to  a conversation  than  the  scrupulously 
truthful  man,  who  weighs  every  statement,  questions 
every  fact,  and  corrects  every  inaccuracy.  In  the  pres- 
ence of  such  a social  scourge  I have  heard  a witty  talker 
pronounce  it  the  golden  rule  of  conversation  to  know 
nothing  accurately . Far  more  important  is  it,  in  my 
mind,  to  demand  no  accuracy.  There  is  no  greater  or 
more  common  blunder  in  society  than  to  express  disbe- 
lief or  scepticism  in  a story  told  for  the  anmsement  oj 
the  company . The  object  of  the  speaker  is  not  to  in- 
struct, but  to  divert,  and  to  ask  him:  Is  that  really  true? 
or  to  exclaim : Really  that  is  too  much  to  expect  us  to 
believe  ! shows  that  the  objector  is  a blockhead  unfit  for 
any  amusing  conversation.  The  only  social  treatment 


XXVII 


IMPERTINENT  SKEPTICS 


7i 


of  such  a story,  if  it  be  really  beyond  the  bounds  of 
reasonable  belief,  is  either  to  receive  with  severe  silence, 
or  to  out-do  it  with  another  still  more  extravagant,  and 
so  to  bring  back  the  company  with  laughter,  and  by 
excess  of  exaggeration  to  a soberer  vein.  The  serious- 
ness of  the  blunder  just  noted  is  not  felt  till  we  have 
learned  that  there  is  a vast  number  of  real  facts  in  na- 
ture so  strange  at  first  hearing  that  they  excite  active 
scepticism,  and  that  you  may  lay  a wager  with  any  one 
to  pass  them  off  as  lies.  In  fact,  any  society  only 
familiar  with  one  class  of  natural  facts,  can  be  furnished 
with  facts  from  another  sphere  in  nature  which  the  ma- 
jority will  disbelieve. 

The  point  of  importance  in  the  present  connection 
is,  that  if  a man  is  reporting  what  he  knows  to  be  true 
and  finds  himself  disbelieved,  he  will  certainly  either 
feel  deeply  hurt,  or  will  conceive  such  contempt  for  the 
ignorance  and  bad  manners  of  his  hearers  that  he  will 
make  no  further  effort  to  help  the  conversation. 

The  outcome,  therefore,  of  what  has  here  been  said 
about  high  moral  worth  and  extreme  truthfulness  is,  that 
these  virtues,  though  lending  the  speaker  dignity,  may 
come  to  tyrannize  over  the  lighter  social  graces.  The 


72 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


great  and  good  man  must  unbend ; he  must  acquiesce  in 
being  amused ; he  must  even  connive  at  inaccuracies,  and 
smile  at  what  he  considers  inventions ; he  must  for  the 
nonce  regard  recreation  as  his  direct  object  if  he  is  to 
be  an  active  member  in  a pleasant  company. 


Conditions  too  Special — Wit  and  Humor 

§2 8.  There  may  have  been  times  and  nations  where 
conversation  was  regarded  as  so  serious  and  important 
an  engine  of  education,  that  sound  argument,  brilliant 
illustration,  and  ample  information,  took  the  highest 
place  as  qualities  of  talk.  Perhaps  they  do  in  some 
cases  now,  as,  for  example,  everybody  who  knows  him 
will  concede  to  Mr.  Gladstone  the  palm  as  a very  charm- 
ing man  in  society  by  reason  of  these  qualities.  But 
among  hard-working  and  somewhat  fatigued  people, 
who  have  been  pursuing  information  of  various  kinds 
in  all  their  working  hours,  conversation  must  be  of  the 
nature  of  relaxation ; it  must  be  amusing  first,  instruc- 
tive afterwards,  and  so  it  is  that  nowadays  no  qualities( 
however  valuable,  rank  so  high  in  popular  estimation 
for  social  purposes,  as  wit  and  humor. 


XXVIII 


THE  DIGNITY  OF  LAUGHTER 


73 


I will  not  ascend  to  a philosophical  analysis  of  these 
terms,  or  attempt  to  answer  the  obscure  and  different 
question  : What  is  it  that  makes  us  laugh,  and  why  we 
seem  to  have  in  this  somewhat  trivial  point  a special 
feature  distinguishing  us  from  all  the  lower  animals? 
They  may  have  the  faculty  of  reason ; they  seem  en- 
tirely devoid  of  the  faculty  of  ridicule.  Nay,  even  in 
the  scale  of  civilization,  it  is  remarkable  that  the  savage 
and  the  ignorant  laugh  less  and  understand  less  of  this 
great  fund  of  enjoyment  than  civilized  people.  There 
are  also,  of  course,  national  differences.  'The  English 
boor  seldom  laughs,  and  then  at  very  coarse  fun  ; the 
Italian  or  the  Irishman  often,  and  very  innocently ; the 
modern  Greek,  though  highly  intelligent  and  keen,  very 
seldom,  apparently  from  want  of  taste  for  the  ridiculous. 

As  regards  the  distinction  between  wit  and  humor, 
all  I need  here  insist  upon  is  that  the  former  consists  in 
quick  flashes,  in  prompt  repartee,  in  quaint  comparison ; 
while  the  latter  is  sustained ; it  is  a comic  way  of  look- 
ing at  serious  things,  a flavoring  of  narrative,  a percep- 
tion of  the  ludicrous  vein  in  human  life  and  character. 
Both  these  are  now  esteemed  very  highly,  perhaps  be- 
yond their  value,  in  society,  but  they  are  so  specially 


74 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


natural  gifts,  and  are  so  impossible  to  attain  by  prac- 
tice, that  they  cannot  be  required  as  conditions  to  which 
every  talker  must  conform;  they  can  only  be  described, 
and  their  force  or  weakness  illustrated. 

§ 29.  There  is  nothing  that  requires  to  appear  spon- 
taneous more  stringently  than  either  of  these  qualities, 
and  yet  we  read  of  great  wits,  like  Sheridan,  who  care- 
fully prepared  their  sallies,  and  even)suborned  some  one 
to  lead  up  to  them.  The  effect  of  knowing  this  is  to 
detract  greatly  from  the  enjoyment  of  the  company, 
and  still  more  from  the  reputation  of  the  speaker.  Most 
of  us  would  say,  that  however  brilliant  in  writing  com- 
edies, Sheridan  must  have  been  distinctly  wanting  in  that 
gift  of  spontaneous  and  ready  wit  which  flashes  out  at 
the  least  provocation,  and  is  mere  intellectual  playful- 
ness, like  the  playfulness  of  a young  and  happy  animal. 
So  strongly  do  we  feel  this  in  Irish  society,  where  wit  is 
less  uncommon  than  elsewhere,  and  where  it  is  no  less 
highly  prized,  that  a kind  of  social  religion  warns  us 
not  to  study  it  beforehand,  and  any  one  suspected  of 
coming  out  with  prepared  smart  things  is  received  by 
the  company  with  ridicule.  Yet  for  all  that,  it  cannot 
possibly  be  denied  that  as  most  of  the  brilliant  things 


XXIX 


MANUFACTURED  WIT 


75 


which  a man  uses  in  any  conversation  must  be  at  second 
hand — to  invent  such  things  one  after  another  at  the 
moment  being  beyond  the  power  of  human  genius — ■ 
they  must  depend  upon  a good  memory,  and  this  may 
best  be  aided  by  having  things  written  down,  which 
would  else  escape  and  be  lost. 

We  should  therefore  conclude  that  every  man  who 
goes  into  society,  and  has  an  inclination  for  that  kind 
of  conversation,  ought  to  keep  some  record  of  the  happy 
trifles  he  hears  upon  various  occasions.  But  it  seems, 
at  least  in  Ireland,  as  if  the  repugnance  to  doing  this 
amounted  to  a conclusive  argument  against  it.  It  is 
assumed  that  as  surely  as  a man  has  such  a store,  which 
he  looks  up  beforehand,  so  surely  will  he  force  the  con- 
versation towards  his  points,  or  bring  them  in  when 
irrelevant;  and  an  irrelevant  joke  is  hardly  a real  joke. 
I have  known,  indeed,  of  a college  Don  having  a note- 
book of  wit  in  his  pocket,  and  peeping  at  it  under  the 
table  to  refresh  his  memory.  This  was  regarded  as  far 
the  best  joke  about  him,  and  the  laughter  before  he 
spoke  was  always  greater  than  when  he  had  sped  his 
shaft.  In  actual  society  it  has  never  occurred  to  me  to 
meet  any  one  who  has  sustained  a reputation  for  wit  in 


76 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


this  way.  We  think  that  if  the  suggestion  of  the  current 
conversation  is  not  strong  enough  to  bring  up  a smart 
point  naturally,  and  without  effort,  it  is  better  that  it 
should  be  forgotten  or  unsaid.  Let  me  add  the  signifi- 
cant fact,  that  in  spite  of  endless  attempts,  no  printed 
collection  of  jokes  has  ever  attained  even  a decent  po- 
sition in  literature. 

So  much  for  wit ; the  case  of  humor  is  slightly  dif- 
ferent. 

Humor 

§ 30.  If  wit  be  the  quick  flash,  the  electric  spark, 
the  play  of  summer  lightning  which  warms  the  color  of 
conversation,  humor  is  the  sustained  side  of  the  ridicu- 
lous, the  comic  way  of  looking  at  things  and  people, 
which  may  be  manifested  either  in  comment  upon  the 
statements  made  by  others  or  in  narrating  one’s  own 
experiences.  Of  course  in  receiving  and  commenting 
upon  what  is  being  said,  no  preparation  is  possible.  It 
depends  altogether  upon  a mental  attitude,  which  looks 
out  with  a smile  upon  the  world,  abd  exposes  the  ridicu- 
lous side  of  human  life  not  more  by  irony  of  comment 
than  by  mock  approval  of  social  vices,  mock  indigna- 


XXX 


THE  HUMORIST 


77 


tion  at  social  virtues,  seriousness  when  false  comedy  is 
being  produced,  raillery  when  false  tragedy  is  being 
paraded  with  insincerity  or  empty  bombast.  In  these 
and  a hundred  other  ways  humor  receives  and  criticises 
what  other  people,  say  in  a company  ; and  if  it  be 
coupled  with  kindliness  of  heart  and  with  tact , may  be 
regarded  as  the  very  highest  of  conversational  virtues. 

Analogous  to  this  is  the  display  of  humor,  not  in  re- 
ceiving but  in  producing  ideas  in  company.  The  hu- 
morist is  the  only  good  and  effective  story-teller;  for  if 
he  is  to  monopolize  a conversation,  and  require  others 
to  listen  to  him,  it  must  be  by  presenting  human  life 
under  a fresh  and  piquant  aspect — in  fact,  as  a little 
comedy.  Thus  the  lifelike  portrayal  of  any  kind  of 
foible — pomposity,  obsequiousness,  conceit,  hypocrisy, 
nay  even  of  provincial  accent  or  ungrammatical  lan- 
guage— ensures  a pleased  and  therefore  agreeable  au- 
dience, and  opens  the  way  for  easy  and  sympathetic  in- 
tercourse. It  is  perhaps  not  too  much  to  say  that  in 
any  society  where  conventionality  becomes  a threaten- 
ing power,  humor  is  our  great  safeguard  from  this  kind 
of  vulgarity.  Let  me  point  as  an  illustration  of  this  to 
the  social  sketches  in  Punch , which  for  years  back  have 


78 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


been  the  truest  mirror  of  the  vulgarities  of  English  so- 
ciety. The  humorous  exhibition  of  these  foibles  is  the 
most  effective  way  we  know  of  bringing  them  before 
the  public  mind,  and  of  warning  people  that  here  is  a 
judge  whose  censure  is  really  to  be  feared.  We  may 
also  learn  from  the  success  of  this  extraordinary  paper 
how  much  more  valuable  and  more  respected  prepared 
humor  is  than  prepared  wit.  The  jold^s  in  the  text  pass 
by  unheeded,  while  the  sketches  of  character  are  thought 
deserving  of  a permanent  place  in  our  literature. 

§ 31.-  I need  hardly  add  that  the  abuse  of  these  great 
natural  gifts  is  not  only  possible,  but  frequent,  and  in 
both  it  arises  from  the  same  mental  defects — conceit 
and  selfishness.  A man  who  can  say  a good  thing  or 
make  a person  appear  ridiculous  may  be  so  proud  of  his 
power  that  he  exercises  it  at  the  cost  of  good  taste  and 
even  of  real  humanity.  The  great  wit  is  often  cruel, 
and  even  glories  in  wounding  to  the  quick  the  sensibil- 
ities of  others.  If  he  can  carry  some  of  the  company 
with  him  he  has  a wicked  enjoyment  in  making  one  of 
the  rest  a butt  or  target  for  his  shafts,  and  so  destroying 
all  wholesome  conversation.  He  may  leave  in  the  minds 
of  his  society  an  admiration  of  his  talent,  but  often  a 


XXXI 


EXCESSES  OF  HUMOR 


79 


serious  dislike  of  his  character.  With  such  feelings 
abroad  he  will  injure  conversation  far  more  than  he  pro- 
motes it.  People  may  consent  to  go  into  his  company 
to  hear  him  talk,  but  will  avoid  talking  in  his  presence. 

The  excesses  of  the  humorist  are  perhaps  rather  those 
of  a complacent  selfishness,  which  does  not  hesitate  to 
monopolize  the  company  with  long  stories  in  which  all 
do  not  feel  an  interest.  But  humor  is  its  own  antidote; 
and  if  a man  have  the  true  vein  in  him  he  will  also  have 
the  tact  to  feel  when  he  is  tedious,  and  when  his  fun  is 
out  of  harmony  with  his  hearers.  For  these  reasons 
this  quality  is  not  only  a higher  but  a safer  gift  than  wit 
for  the  purposes  of  conversation  ; the  pity  of  it  is  that 
so  few  possess  it,  and  that  there  is  hardly  any  use  in 
trying  to  attain  it  by  education.  No  doubt  the  con- 
stant society  of  an  elder  or  superior  who  looks  at  things 
in  this  way  may  stimulate  it  in  the  young;  but  there  is 
the  danger  of  making  them  sarcastic  and  satirical, 
which  are  grave  faults,  and  which  are  the  distortion  of 
humor  to  ill-natured  and  unsocial  purposes,  so  that  even 
in  this  view  of  the  matter  education  in  humor  may  turn 
out  a very  mischievous  failure. 

On  the  whole,  we  must  set  ourselves  to  carry  on  so- 


So 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


ciety  and  to  make  good  conversation  without  any  large 
help  from  these  brilliant  but  dangerous  gifts.  Occa- 
sional flashes  will  occur  to  ordinary  people,  and  some- 
times the  very  circumstances  themselves  will  create  a 
situation  so  comical  that  it  requires  no  genius  to  bring 
it  home  to  the  company.  But,  beyond  the  considera- 
tions above  indicated,  we  cannot  bring  it  into  any  sys- 
tematic doctrine  of  social  intercourse 


Objective  Conditions.  The  Company — Its  Number 

§ 32.  We  have  now  exhausted  all  the  conditions 
which  lie  in  the  speaker,  which  must  be  brought  by 
him  into  a society  as  the  subjective  conditions  of  good 
conversation.  Let  us  turn  to  the  company,  regarded 
as  the  object  with  which  he  is  to  deal,  and  see  what  an 
analysis  of  its  varieties  may  teach  11s  in  the  way  of  prac- 
tical direction. 

The  very  first  and  most  obvious  division  is  that  of 
quantity.  You  may  be  required  to  converse  either  with 
one  person,  with  a few,  or  with  many.  And  though  no 
agreeable  person  may  take  the  trouble  to  think  about 
it,  he  nevertheless  makes  considerable  modifications  in 


XXXII  “ TWO  IS  COMPANY ” Si 

his  talk  according  to  these  circumstances.  Thus  a col- 
loquy with  a single  person,  which  is  the  easiest  form, 
for  it  is  usually  with  some  one  who  is  not  a stranger, 
and  it  allows  far  more  personality,  will  best  consist  in  a 
direct  interchange  of  serious  opinion,  in  which  each 
seeks  to  make  the  other  speak  out  in  confidence  his  in- 
most character.  The  better  talker  will  turn  the  conver- 
sation upon  the  other’s  life,  inquire  into  his  or  her  his- 
tory, so  far  as  that  can  be  done  with  good  taste  and 
without  impertinence,  and  so  encourage  him  (or  her) 
to  give  personal  recollections  or  confessions,  which  are 
to  the  teller  of  them  generally  of  the  deepest  interest. 
But  you  will  not  elicit  these  without  some  frankness  on 
your  own  part,  sometimes  without  volunteering  some 
“confidence  ” which  may  induce  the  other  to  open  the 
flood-gates  of  his  inner  life.  When  this  is  once  attained 
there  must  ensue  good  conversation  ; for  to  have  a vol- 
ume of  human  character  laid  open  before  you,  and  to 
turn  over  its  pages  at  leisure,  is  one  of  the  highest  and 
most  intense  recreations  known  to  an  intelligent  mind. 
Such  confessions  will  hardly  ever  be  made  to  more  than 
one  person  at  a time,  and  a sympathetic  freedom  in  en- 
couraging the  timid  by  giving  parallel  experiences  in 
6 


82 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


your  own  life  will  often  make  a silent  and  reserved  per- 
son agreeable  who  could  never  be  persuaded  to  speak 
out  in  a larger  company. 

As  our  manners  and  customs  determine  these  things, 
it  is  not  usual  to  have  a long  tete-a-tete  with  another 
person  of  the  same  sex  without  choosing  your  compan- 
ion and  seeking  out  the  opportunity ; but,  on  the  con- 
trary, two  people  of  different  sexes^  are  often  brought 
together  and  ordered  (so  to  speak)  to  converse,  for  no 
other  reason  than  the  command  of  society.  Thus  a 
young  man  is  introduced  to  a partner  at  a ball,  or  a 
man  of  soberer  age  is  directed  to  take  a lady  down  to 
dinner.  Here,  though  the  company  is  large,  the  con- 
versation is  really  of  the  kind  before  us — a dialogue  be- 
tween two  persons  only,  of  different  sexes,  and  often 
comparative  strangers.  There  is  no  case  more  frequent 
where  conversation  is  imperative,  and  where  failures  are 
common  and  conspicuous.  It  is  commonplace  enough 
to  begin  with  truisms  about  the  weather — an  excusable 
exordium ; it  is  far  worse  and  almost  disgraceful  to  end 
with  them,  and  positively  many  people  get  no  further. 
And  yet  this  failure  is  not  from  mere  emptiness  of 
mind.  These  very  same  people,  young  and  old,  could 


XXXIII  A FASCINATING  BAGMAN  83 

be  brought  into  circumstances  where  almost  any  of  them 
would  be  interesting — not  a few  of  them  eloquent. 

I have  spent  an  evening  shut  up  with  a very  unprom- 
ising commercial  traveller  in  a remote  country  inn,  and 
yet  by  trying  honestly  to  find  out  what  he  knew  and 
liked,  succeeded  in  drawing  from  him  a most  interest- 
ing account  of  his  experiences,  first  in  tea-tasting,  then 
in  tea-selling  to  the  Irish  peasants  in  the  remote  glens 
of  Donegal.  What  he  told  me  was  quite  worthy  to 
make  an  article  in  a good  magazine.  Yet  a more  un- 
promising subject  for  a long  dialogue  could  hardly  be 
found.  He  and  I had  apparently  not  a single  interest 
in  common.  But  when  the  right  vein  was  touched  one 
had  to  supply  nothing  but  assent,  or  an  occasional  ques- 
tion ; the  man  flowed  on  with  an  almost  natural  elo- 
quence. People  said  that  others  had  found  him  morose 
and  unapproachable.  It  was  certainly  their  fault.  This 
case  is  cited  as  an  instance  that  almost  anybody  can 
be  made  to  talk,  unless  he  has  determined  positively 
that  he  will  not  do  so,  and  is  moreover  a very  obstinate 
person. 

§ 33.  In  the  cases  with  which  we  started  no  such  ob 
stinacy  exists ; the  people  are  really  ready  to  talk,  but 


8 1-  ART  OF  CON  VERSA  T10N  sect. 

don’t  know  how.  The  beginning  is  evidently  the  diffi- 
culty ■;  and  surely  here,  if  anywhere,  people  who  have 
no  natural  facility  should  think  out  some  way  of  open- 
ing the  conversation,  just  as  chess-players  have  agreed 
on  several  formal  openings  in  their  game.  Nothing  is 
easier  than  to  do  this,  and  to  do  it  in  such  a general 
manner  as  will  not  be  ridiculous.  It  must  always  be 
remembered  that  the  most  domestic  men  and  women 
are  often  the  most  difficult  to  rouse  into  conversation. 
Their  very  virtues  in  home  life  have  absorbed  their  in- 
terests in  outer  things,  and  the  best  of  mothers  have 
sometimes  forgotten  to  talk  about  anything  except  the 
education  of  their  children."  But  it  is  always  better 
worth  probing  a sound  nature  than  tolerating  the  ready 
chatter  of  idleness.  For  this  reason,  some  serious  topic 
ought  to  be  the  best,  even  for  talking  with  a stranger, 
since  our  conversation  errs  more  frequently  through 
frivolity  than  through  gravity. 

But  it  is  not  the  object  of  this  book  to  be  a practical 
guide,  with  special  directions.  They  are  only  useful 
when  framed  by  each  man  and  woman  for  their  own 
private  use,  and  any  stock  proceeding  becomes  a mere 
commonplace,  and  as  such  contemptible.  Yet  no  in- 


XXXIII 


S TIMUL  US  OF  CONTR  O VERS  V 


85 


telligent  person  who  thinks  over  it  can  fail  to  make  out 
some  general  lines  to  be  followed  on  such  occasions, 
and  so  thousands  of  men  and  women  will  save  them7 
selves  from  the  punishment  of  a dull  and  tedious  even- 
ing beside  a person  whom  they  might  easily  find  lively 
and  agreeable. 

As  there  are  some  people  who  require  to  be  encour- 
aged by  finding  out  their  daily  interests,  and  inquiring 
into  them,  so  there  are  others  who  are  only  to  be  excited 
by  the  stimulus  of  opposition,  by  suggesting  some  opin- 
ion adverse  to  what  they  believe  or  advocate,  and  so 
tempting  them  to  a friendly  controversy.  If  people 
enter  such  a controversy  with  perfectly  good  temper, 
with  a desire  to  be  convinced  by  good  arguments,  and 
no  further  interest  than  to  bring  out  the  latent  fire  in 
the  rest,  it  may  produce  a very  good  conversation. 
But  the  moment  the  points  of  difference  become  too 
strongly  accentuated,  the  moment  there  arises  that  dis- 
satisfaction which  is  so  common  in  people  who  are 
losing  ground,  or  who  feel  they  are  making  no  impres- 
sion, it  is  time  to  turn  the  stream  into  another  channel, 
in  which  at  least  partial  agreement  can  fairly  be  antici- 
pated. 


86 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


Talking  with  a Few 

§ 34.  These  last  remarks  are  very  applicable  to  the 
case  next  before  us,  when  conversation  is  among  a few 
— say  from  four  to  eight  people — a form  of  society  the 
best  and  most  suitable  for  talk,  but  which  is  now  rather 
the  exception,  from  the  common  h^bit  of  crowding  our 
rooms  or  our  tables,  and  getting  rid  of  social  obliga- 
tions as  if  they  were  commercial  debts.  Indeed  many 
of  our  young  people  have  so  seldom  heard  a general 
conversation  that  they  grow  up  in  the  belief  that  their 
only  duty  in  society  will  be  to  talk  to  one  man  or 
woman  at  a time.  So  serious  are  the  results  of  the 
fashion  of  large  dinner-parties.  For  really  good  society 
no  dinner-table  should  be  too  large  to  exclude  general 
conversation,  and  no  couples  should  sit  together  who 
are  likely  to  lapse  into  private  discourse. 

It  is  generally  thought  the  fault  of  the  host  or  hostess 
if  such  an  evening  turns  out  a failure ; and  indeed  it  is 
possible  to  bring  one  incongruous  person  into  a small 
company,  who  will  so  chill  or  annoy  the  rest  that  con- 
versation languishes.  But  this  case  is  rare,  and  the 


XXXIV 


THE  OVER-ANXIOUS  HOSTESS 


87 


fault  usually  lies  with  the  company,  none  of  whom  take 
the  trouble  to  tide  over  any  difficulty,  or  seek  to  draw 
out  from  those  present  what  they  like  or  want  to  say. 
I am  now  looking  at  the  thing  from  the  point  of  view 
of  the  man  or  woman  who  comes  in  as  a guest,  and 
whose  duty  it  is  to  make  the  evening,  or  the  period  of 
time  during  which  the  company  is  assembled,  pass  in 
a pleasant  way.  Perhaps  it  is  the  easiest  course  to  con- 
sider the  usual  form  in  modern  society,  that  of  the  small 
dinner-party,  and  then  apply  what  is  to  be  said  upon  it 
to  analogous  cases. 

In  the  very  forefront  there  stares  us  in  the  face  that 
very  awkward  period  which  even  the  gentle  Menander 
notes  as  the  worst  possible  for  conversation,  the  short 
time  during  which  people  are  assembling,  and  waiting 
for  the  announcement  of  dinner.  If  the  witty  man 
were  not  usually  a selfish  person,  who  will  not  exhibit 
his  talent  without  the  reward  of  full  and  leisurely  appre- 
ciation, this  is  the  real  moment  to  show  his  powers.  A 
brilliant  thing  said  at  the  very  start,  which  sets  people 
laughing,  and  makes  them  forget  that  they  are  waiting, 
may  alter  the  whole  complexion  of  the  party,  may  make 
the  silent  and  distant  people  feel  themselves  drawn  into 


88 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


the  sympathy  of  common  merriment,  and  thaw  the  ici- 
ness which  so  often  fetters  Anglo-Saxon  society.  But 
as  this  faculty  is  not  given  to  many,  so  the  average  man 
may  content  himself  with  having  something  ready  to 
tell,  and  this,  if  possible,  in  answer  to  the  usual  ques- 
tion expressed  or  implied  : Is  there  any  news  this  after- 
noon ? There  are  few  days  that  the  daily  papers  will  not 
afford  to  the  intelligent  critic  something  ridiculous 
either  in  style  or  matter  which  has  escaped  the  ordi- 
nary public;  some  local  event,  nay,  even  some  local 
tragedy,  may  suggest  a topic  not  worth  more  than  a 
few  moments  of  attention,  which  will  secure  the  inter- 
est of  minds  vacant,  and  perhaps  more  hungry  to  be 
fed  than  their  bodies.  Here  then,  if  anywhere  in  the 
whole  range  of  conversation,  the  man  and  woman  who 
desire  to  be  agreeable  may  venture  to  think  beforehand, 
and  bring  with  them  something  ready,  merely  as  the 
starting-point  to  make  the  evening  run  smoothly. 

§ 35*  When  the  company  has  settled  down  to  dinner, 
the  first  danger  impending  is  the  breaking  into  couples, 
which  will  certainly  happen  unless  some  one  opposite  is 
addressed  or  some  question  asked  which  may  evoke 
answers  from  various  people.  Above  all,  however,  the 


XXXV 


DURING  DINNER 


89 


particular  guest  of  the  night,  or  the  person  best  known 
as  a wit  or  story-teller,  is  not  to  be  pressed  or  challenged 
at  the  outset — a sort  of  vulgarity  which  makes  him  either 
shy  or  angry  at  being  so  manifestly  exploit e by  the  com- 
pany, so  that  he  is  likely  either  to  turn  silent  or  say  some 
ill-humored  things. 

The  resource  least  utilized  by  women  to  help  them  in 
making  such  a small  company  agreeable,  is  an  aquaint- 
ance  with  politics.  A vast  number  of  clever  and  well- 
read  women  exclude  themselves  from  a large  part  of  the 
serious  talk  of  men  by  neglecting  this  engrossing  and 
ever-fruitful  topic  of  conversation.  Literature  of  course, 
is  a still  more  various  and  interesting  subject ; but  here 
perhaps  the  defect  lies  with  men,  who  are  so  devoted  to 
practical  life  that  they  lose  their  taste  for  general  read- 
ing. Except  for  politics,  the  daily  papers  seldom  afford 
any  serious  literary  food  fit  for  good  conversation. 

The  topic  which  ought  to  be  common  to  both  and 
always  interesting,  is  the  discussion  of  human  character 
and  human  motives.  If  the  novel  be  so  popular  a form 
of  literature,  how  can  the  novel  in  real  life  fail  to  inter- 
est an  intelligent  company  ? People  of  serious  temper 
and  philosophic  habit  will  be  able  to  confine  themselves 


9° 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


to  large  ethical  views,  and  the  general  dealings  of  men; 
but  to  average  people,  both  men  and  women,  and  per- 
haps most  of  all  to  busy,  men,  who  desire  to  find  in 
society  relaxation  from  their  toil,  that  lighter  and  more 
personal  kind  of  criticism  on  human  affairs  will  prevail 
which  is  k n o w n as  gossip. 

§36.  This  may,  therefore,  be  the  suitable  moment 
to  consider  the  place  of  gossip  in  thp  theory  of  conver- 
sation ; for  though  gossip  is  not  only  possible  but  usual 
in  the  private  discourse  of  two  people,  and  possible  too 
in  a large  society,  its  real  home  and  natural  exercising 
ground  is  the  society  of  a few  people  intimate  with  the 
same  surroundings. 

It  is  usual  for  all  people,  especially  those  who  most 
indulge  in  it,  to  censure  gossip  as  a crime,  as  a violation 
of  the  Ninth  Commandment,  as  a proof  of  idleness  and 
vain  curiosity,  as  a frivolous  waste  of  the  time  given  us 
for  mental  improvement.  Yet  the  censure  is  seldom 
serious.  These  people  cannot  but  feel  obscurely  what 
they  are  either  afraid  to  speak  out  or  have  not  duly 
considered,  that  the  ordinary  object  of  conversation  is 
neither  instruction  nor  moral  improvement,  but  recrea- 
tion. It  is  of  course  highly  desirable  that  all  our  amuse- 


XXXVI  GOSSIP  A NECESSITY  yi 

ments  should  be  both  intellectually  and  morally  profita- 
ble, and  we  may  look  back  with  special  satisfaction  upon 
any  conversation  which  included  these  higher  advan- 
tages. But  the  ordinary  and  direct  object  is  recreation, 
mental  relaxation,  happy  idleness;  and  from  this  point 
of  view  it  is  impossible  for  any  honest  theory  of  conversa- 
tion to  ignore  or  depreciate  gossip,  which  is  perhaps 
the  main  factor  in  agreeable  talk  throughout  society. 

The  most  harmless  form,  is  the  repeating  of  small  de- 
tails about  personages  great  either  in  position  or  intel- 
lect, which  give  their  empty  names  a personal  color,  and 
so  bring  them  nearer  and  more  clearly  into  view.  The 
man  who  has  just  come  from  the  society  of  kings  and 
queens,  or  great  generals,  or  politicians,  or  literary  men 
whose  names  are  exceptionally  prominent  at  the  time, 
can  generally  furnish  some  personal  details  by  which 
people  imagine  they  can  explain  to  themselves  great 
and  unexpected  results.  Who  has  not  heard  with  inter- 
est such  anecdotes  about  Mr.  Gladstone,  or  Prince  Bis- 
marck, or  Victor-Emmanuel  ? And  what  book  has  ever 
acquired  more  deserved  and  lasting  reputation  than 
Boswell’s  Life  of  Johnson  ? 

The  latest  development  of  the  literary  side  of  gossip 


92 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


is  to  be  seen  in  what  are  called  the  “society  papers/’ 
which  owe  their  circulation  to  their  usefulness  in  fur- 
nishing topics  for  this  kind  of  conversation.  All  the 
funny  sketches  of  life  'and  character  which  have  made 
Punch  so  admirable  a mirror  of  society  for  the  last  fifty 
years,  are  of  the  character  of  gossip,  subtracting  the 
mischievous  element  of  personality ; and  though  most 
people  will  think  this  latter  an  essential  feature  in  our 
meaning  when  we  talk  of  gossip,  it  is  not  so ; it  is 
merely  the  trivial  and  passing,  the  unproven  and  sus- 
pected, which  constitutes  gossip,  for  it  is  quite  possible 
to  bring  any  story  under  the  notion  while  suppressing 
the  names  of  the  actors. 

Next  to  the  retailing  of  small  personal  points  about 
great  people  comes  the  narrating  of  deeper  interests 
belonging  to  small  people,  especially  the  affairs  of  the 
heart,  which  we  pursue  so  assiduously  even  in  feigned 
characters.  But  here  it  is  that  all  the  foibles  of  our 
neighbors  come  under  survey,  and  that  a great  deal  of 
calumny  and  slander  may  be  launched  upon  the  world 
by  mere  shrug  and  innuendo.  The  reader  will  remem- 
ber with  what  effect  this  mischievous  side  of  gossip  is 
brought  out  in  Sheridan’s  School  for  Scandal . 


XXXVII 


SILENCE  AT  MEALS 


93 


§ 37.  It  is  idle  to  deny  that  there  is  no  kind  of  con- 
versation more  fascinating  than  this,  but  its  immorality 
may  easily  become  such  as  to  shock  honest  minds,  and 
the  person  who  indulges  in  it  freely  at  the  expense  of 
others,  will  probably  have  to  pay  the  cost  himself  in  the 
long  run ; for  those  who  hear  him  will  fear  him,  and 
will  retire  into  themselves  in  his  presence.  On  the 
other  hand,  nothing  is  more  honorable  than  to  stand 
forth  as  the  defended  or  the  palliator  of  the  faults  im- 
puted to  others,  and  nothing  is  easier  than  to  expand 
such  a defence  into  general  considerations  as  to  the 
purity  of  human  motives,  which  will  raise  the  conver- 
sation from  its  unwholesome  ground  into  the  upper  air. 

If  the  company  be  fit  for  it,  no  general  rule  is  more 
valuable  than  that  of  turning  the  conversation  away 
from  people  and  fixing  it  on  things;  but,  alas!  how 
many  there  are  who  only  take  interest  in  people,  and 
in  the  weakest  and  most  trivial  aspects  of  people  ! Few 
things  are  more  essential  and  more  neglected  in  the 
education  of  children  than  to  habituate  them  to  talk 
about  things,  and  not  people;  yet,  what  use  is  there  in 
urging  these  more  special  rules,  when  the  very  idea  of 
teaching  them  to  converse  at  all  is  foreign  to  the  minds 


94  - 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


of  most  parents  and  of  all  educators  ? Let  me  illustrate 
this  by  one  grotesque  fact. 

It  will  be  conceded  that  one  thing  absolutely  essential 
to  the  education  of  a lady  is  that  she  should  talk  agree- 
ably at  meals.  It  is  the  natural  meeting  time,  not  only 
of  the  household,  but  of  friends,  and  conversation  is 
then  as  essential  as  food.  Yet,  what  is  the  habit  of 
many  of  our  schools?  They  either  Enforce  silence  at 
this  period,  or  they  compel  the  wretched  pupils  to  speak 
in  a foreign  language,  in  which  they  can  only  labor  out 
spasmodic  commonplaces,  without  any  interchange  or 
play  of  thought.  Consequently  many  of  our  girls  drift 
into  the  habit  of  regarding  meal-times  as  the  precise 
occasion  when  conversation  is  impossible.  How  far  this 
mis-education,  during  some  of  the  most  critical  years  of 
their  lives,  affects  them  permanently  it  is  not  easy  to 
over-estimate.  If  parents  were  decently  intelligent  in 
this  matter  they  should  ascertain  clearly  the  practice  of 
a school,  and  the  schoolmaster  or  schoolmistress  who  is 
obtuse  or  mischievous  enough  to  practice  this  absurdity 
should  at  once  lose  every  pupil. 

The  only  excuse  I can  find  for  this  widespread  out- 
rage upon  the  social  rights  of  the  young,  is  the  old  tra- 


XXXVIII 


MONASTIC  SUR  VIVALS 


95 


dition  of  universities,  still  pursued  in  convent  schools 
and  Roman  Catholic  seminaries,  that  a portion  of  Scrip- 
ture, or  of  some  edifying  book,  should  be  read  out  dur- 
ing meals,  so  that  the  pupils  may  take  in  spiritual"  food 
along  with  their  dinners,  and  avoid  the  crime  of  light 
and  trivial  conversation.  A clever  Jesuit  educator 
whom  I knew,  went  so  far  within  the  letter  of  the  law 
as  to  substitute  the  Saturday  Review  for  the  usual  work 
of  edification,  the  Lives  of  the  Saints  ! This  worthy 
man  did  what  was  possible  under  a system  devised  to 
bring  up  young  people  in  silence  and  in  fear,  not  in 
free  and  friendly  intercourse  with  their  instructors.  But 
why  should  we,  with  our  spiritual  liberty,  retain  these 
mischievous  and  antiquated  shackles  ? 


With  Many 

§ 38.  Conversation  with  a crowd,  or  even  with  a 
large  number  of  people,  is  almost  a contradiction  in 
terms.  How  can  there  be  interchange  of  thought  or 
repartee  where  so  many  clashing  fancies  make  confusion 
rather  than  harmony?  In  ordinary  society,  therefore, 
it  is  the  obvious  solution  to  break  up  a large  company 


96 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


into  couples  or  small  groups,  and  so  reduce  this  case  to 
one  of  the  preceding.  Two  exceptional  forms  may  be 
noted,  which  come,  perhaps,  upon  the  verge  of  conver- 
sation proper : the  one  where  a good  story-teller,  or 
person  who  has  had  some  wonderful  experience,  is  ready 
to  talk  for  the  benefit  of  the  whole  company,  with  occa- 
sional support  from  questions  put  to  him  by  various 
people.  But  even  in  this  case  the  dumber  must  be  lim- 
ited, and  usually  such  a talker  will  seem  to  his  audience 
egotistical,  for  people  who  want  to  have  their  little  pri- 
vate say,  and  tell  their  little  modest  story,  feel  ousted 
by  the  monopoly  of  the  leading  spirit. 

Perhaps  the  pleasantest  form  into  which  to  lead  such 
a conversation  is  a sort  of  public  dialogue,  in  which 
one  or  two  querists  will  draw  from  the  real  object  of 
attention  his  views,  or  question  his  statements  in  such 
a way  as  to  provoke  the  exercise  of  his  powers.  This 
is  the  kind  of  conversation  to  be  found  in  Plato’s 
Dialogues,  which  are  quite  fitted  for  a large  company, 
though  but  few  speakers  share  in  them.  But  I will  not 
be  bound  to  admire  these  immortal  compositions  as 
specimens  of  conversation.  To  the  modern  reader, 
they  cease  to  be  such  as  soon  as  they  become  serious, 


XXXIX 


MY  LADY'S  RECEPTIONS 


97 


and  I may  even  venture  to  say  that  in  any  modern 
society  they  would  justly  be  voted  tedious. 

§ 39.  The  second  case  worth  noticing  here  is  when  a 
leading  person,  king  or  viceroy,  or  princess,  or  political 
magnate,  entertains  a crowd  of  people  mostly  inferior 
in  station,  and  ha.s  to  perform  the  duty  of  going  through 
the  rooms  and  talking  in  succession  to  all  sorts  and 
conditions  of  men.  If  on  the  one  hand  the  people 
addressed  are  sure  to  be  flattered  by  such  attention, 
and  are  therefore  responsive  and  anxious  to  be  pleased, 
on  the  other  there  is  no  social  duty  which  gives  more 
scope  for  all  the  mental  and  moral  perfections  already 
enumerated,  and  therefore  there  is  no  more  certain  test 
of  conversational  ability.  For  here  the  talk  is  not 
really  with  many  at  a time,  nor  again  is  it  the  conver- 
sation with  one  person,  in  which  the  main  element  is 
the  sustaining  of  interest  for  a considerable  time  ; it  is 
a series  of  brief  successive  dialogues,  in  which  the  two 
great  difficulties  of  conversation,  the  starting  of  it  and 
the  breaking  off,  are  perpetually  recurring.  The 
speaker  is  even  debarred  from  the  use  of  any  fixed  rule 
or  method  of  overcoming  these  difficulties,  for  the 
people  addressed  will  be  sure  to  compare  notes,  and 
7 


98 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


will  reject  as  insincere  any  politenesses  which  are 
administered  according  to  a formula,  however  graceful 
it  may  appear. 

Here  then,  if  anywhere,  the  art  must  consist  in  con- 
cealing the  art.  But  let  none  imagine  that  art  has  no 
place  here.  A sympathetic  nature,  which  readily 
apprehends  the  interests  of  other  minds,  is  not  more 
useful  to  the  great  man  or  woma^  than  a careful  pre- 
vious study  of  the  company,  who  they  are,  what  they 
have  done,  what  the  distinction  or  the  hobby  of  each 
of  them  may  be.  Nothing  is  easier  than  to  acquire 
such  information  from  the  retinue  whose  duty  is  to 
furnish  it,  A great  natural  aptitude  or  a specially 
trained  memory  is  required  to  remember  the  various 
scraps  of  information  about  each,  and  to  fit  them  to 
the  proper  names.  It  is  said  that  royal  personages 
often  inherit  an  exceptional  power  of  remembering 
names  and  persons  from  the  exercise  of  this  faculty  by 
a long  line  of  successive  ancestors.  But  the  suggestion 
of  an  equerry  or  a lord-in-waiting  is  in  such  cases  the 
usual  and  more  obvious  cause  of  this  apparent  genius, 
which  the  flattery  of  courtiers  exaggerates  with  shame- 
less effrontery. 


XXXIX 


THE  SALON 


99 


However  this  may  be,  the  knowledge,  inspired  or 
acquired,  of  the  name  and  circumstances  of  an  inferior 
is  the  great  key  to  smoothing  over  the  difficulty  of 
beginning  a conversation,  for  any  personal  question 
will  be  taken  as  a compliment,  and  evidence  of  a 
friendly  interest  on  the  part  of  the  prince.  The  break- 
ing off  with  ease  and  grace  is  more  difficult,  for  I do 
not  count  the  formal  bow  of  dismissal  or  the  prear- 
ranged interruption  by  a new  presentation  as  more  than 
awkward  subterfuges.  Some  form  of  expressing  regret 
that  the  moment  does  not  admit  of  fuller  discussion  of 
the  subject  already  commenced,  and  a hope  to  resume 
it,  is  of  course  an  obvious  and  polite  way  of  closing 
the  interview,  or  a question  as  to  some  one  else  who 
must  receive  attention,  or  a complaint  that  duty  must 
oust  pleasure — there  are  myriad  possibilities,  as  may  be 
seen  from  the  conversation  of  the  few  great  ladies  in 
England  who  have  the  gift  or  have  attained  the  art.  I 
mention  ladies,  because  the  traditional  bluntness  and 
simplicity  inherited,  respected,  assumed,  affected,  by 
most  Englishmen  makes  them  very  averse  to  this  social 
grace.  It  is  no  accident  that  those  of  our  great  houses 
who  have  adopted  public  life  after  a considerable  expe- 


IOO 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


rience  of  French  manners,  and  with  a ready  knowledge 
of  the  French  language,  are  the  most  brilliant  excep- 
tions. Perhaps,  too,  Irish  vivacity  has  in  most  of  these 
cases  added  life  and  brightness  to  their  talk.  But,  as  a 
rule,  it  is  to  women  that  we  look  for  this  talent,  and  to 
older  French  society  for  the  best  examples  of  it.  One 
often  hears  it  said  that  since  Lady  Waldegrave’s  death 
no  one  in  London  knows  how  to  Jiave  a salon . This, 
though  it  is  false,  is  the  popular  recognition  of  that 
social  excellence  in  conversing  with  many,  to  which  I 
have  devoted  the  last  few  pages. 

* 

The  Quality  of  the  Company 

§ 40.  Llitherto  we  have  regarded  the  company 
merely  from  the  point  of  quantity,  and  considered 
them  as  so  many  units,  grouped  in  larger  and  smaller, 
masses.  We  shall  now  adopt  a totally  different  prin- 
tiple,  and  regard  their  quality  in  relation  to  the 
Speaker.  It  is  obvious  that  for  our  purpose  this  element 
must  receive  careful  consideration. 

I remember  years  ago  occupying  myself  in  construct- 
ing from  the  epitaphs  in  a country  church  the  genealogy 


XL  EPITAPHS  ON  CONVERSATION  ioi 

of  the  great  squire  who  owned  the  parish.  Among  the 
stereotyped  and  hardly  varied  eulogies  of  his  ancestors 
one  stood  out  as  peculiar  and  original.  It  was  said  of 
this  magnate,  who  died  about  the  year  1830,  that  to 
express  his  virtues  among  those  that  knew  him  would 
be  impertinent,  “ but  to  strangers  and  to  posterity  let 
.this  monument  declare,  that  in  him  were  combined  the 
generous  Patron , the  affable  Superior , the  polished 
Equal , the  uncompromizing  Patriot,  and  the  Honest 
Man.”  The  sequel  was  commonplace.  Nor  is  the 
social  description  complete,  for  the  dignity  of  the  sub- 
ject would  not  allow  the  epitaphist  to  suggest  the  virtues 
of  his  hero  in  the  guise  of  an  inferior.  The  supple 
coiudier  would,  from  what  I have  heard  about  him,  have 
been  the  truest  addition  to  the  picture.  But  what 
interests  us  here  is  not  only  the  importance  given  to 
social  talents  over  morals  and  religion — a truly  Irish 
feature — but  the  accurate  perception  the  writer  had  of 
the  various  talents  required  according  to  the  quality  of 
the  people  around  us. 

If  he  had  thought  more  upon  the  subject,  or  if  he 
had  been  allowed  to  give  us  the  results  of  his  thinking, 
he  might  have  told  us  that  the  secret  in  all  cases,  and 


102 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION' 


SECT. 


the  sine  qua  non  of  good  conversation,  is  to  establish 
equality,  at  least  momentary,  if  you  like  fictitious,  but 
at  all  costs  equality , among  the  members  of  the  com* 
pany  who  make  up  the  party.  The  man  who  keeps 
asserting  his  superiority,  or  confessing  his  inferiority, 
is  never  agreeable.  Nay  even,  if  the  superiority  is 
very  marked,  as  in  the  case  of  royal  persons,  it  is 
almost  impossible  to  converse  with)them  in  the  better 
sense,  and  one  of  the  most  melancholy  penalties  of 
this  kind  of  greatness  is,  that  except  within  the  narrow 
circle  of  their  families  and  equals  they  can  never  enjoy 
the  fresh  breeze  of  unconstrained  society.  Any  truth 
they  can  learn  from  their  surroundings  is  confined  to 
the  very  poor  category  of  pleasant  truths.  All  vigor- 
ous intellectual  buffeting,  all  wholesome  contradiction 
which  would  open  their  minds,  is  carefully  avoided  by 
courtiers,  and  yet  it  is  the  assertion  of  this  very  equal- 
ity which  is  the  backbone  of  conversation.  It  requires 
peculiar  earnestness  and  honesty  on  the  part  of  a 
prince  to  break  through  this  crust  of  assentation,  and 
discover  the  real  opinions  of  the  men  around  him  ; 
nor  can  he  incur  any  bitterer  loss  than  the  removal  of 
those  rare  advisers,  who  have  the  gift  of  combining 


XLI 


THE  DOOM  OF  KINGS 


103 


real  liberty  with  formal  obsequiousness,  and  without 
violating  the  etiquette  of  the  court,  can  assume  the 
character  of  independent  critics  and  just  advisers. 

But  this  little  book  is  not  meant  for  the  advice  or 
criticism  of  kings,  who  by  their  position  are  almost 
completely  excluded  from  conversation.  The  question 
before  us  is  how  far  we  ordinary  people  modify  the 
tone  of  our  talk  according  as  our  company  consists  of 
people  socially  or  intellectually  above  us,  of  our  equals, 
or  lastly,  of  our  inferiors.  It  is  evident  that  in  the 
first  and  last  cases  there  is  difficulty  \ the  second  is  the 
normal  atmosphere  of  conversation. 


Talking  with  Superiors 

§ 41.  In  conversing  with  superiors,  we  must  broadly 
distinguish  the  socially  from  the  intellectually  superior. 
For  the  art  of  producing  agreeable  talk  in  the  former 
case  differs  widely  from  the  art  of  doing  so  in  the 
latter.  Perhaps  the  matter  may  be  expressed  tersely,  if 
not  quite  accurately,  by  saying  that  the  necessary  equal- 
ity between  the  members  of  the  company  is  attained 
in  the  former  instance  by  the  good  talker  raising  him- 


104 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


self  to  the  level  of  his  superior,  in  the  latter  by  bring- 
ing down  his  superior  to  his  own  level.  A word  of 
explanation  is  here  necessary.  The  man  or  woman  that 
succeeds  among  social  superiors  is  not  the  timid  or 
modest  person,  afraid  to  contradict,  and  ever  ready  to 
assent  to  what  is  said,  but  rather  the  free  and  indepen- 
dent intellect  that  suggests  subjects,  makes  bold  criti- 
cisms, and  in  fact  introduces  a bright  and  free  tone 
into  a company  which  is  perhaps  somewhat  dull  from 
its  grandeur  or  even  its  extreme  respectability.  It  is  a 
tase  of  the  socially  superior  acknowledging  another 
kind  of  superiority,  which  redresses  the  balance.  We 
need  hardly  add  that  the  greatest  stress  must  here  be 
placed  on  tact,  for  to  presume  on  either  kind  of  supe- 
riority will  cause  offence,  and  so  spoil  every  attempt  at 
breaking  the  bonds  set  around  us  by  the  grades  of  the 
social  hierarchy. 

If,  on  the  contrary,  we  meet  a man  of  acknowledged 
mental  superiority,  whether  generally  or  in  his  special 
department,  it  is  our  social  duty  by  intelligent  ques- 
tioning, by  an  anxiety  to  learn  from  him,  to  force  him 
to  condescend  to  our  ignorance,  or  join  in  our  fun,  till 
his  broader  sympathies  are  awakened,  and  he  plays  with 


XLI  A GREAT  GULF  FIXED  105 

us  as  if  we  were  children.  Indeed  this  very  metaphor 
points  out  one  of  the  very  remarkable  instances  of 
social  equality  asserted  by  an  inferior— I mean  the  out- 
spoken freedom  of  the  child — -which  possesses  a peculiar 
charm,  and  often  thaws  the  dignity  or  dissipates  the  re- 
serve of  the  great  man  and  woman  whose  superiority  is 
a perpetual  obstacle  to  them  in  ordinary  society. 

I may  here  dwell  a moment  upon  conscious  superior- 
ity and  its  companion,  that  conscious  inferiority,  which 
is  the  great  social  barrier  to  conversation,  and  which  in 
most  cases  actually  prohibits  all  intercourse.  In  other 
European  countries  the  separation  of  nob! esse  and  bour- 
geoisie is  carried  so  far  as  wellnigh  to  annihilate  all  free 
and  intellectual  society  of  the  better  kind.  The  intel- 
lectually-educated classes  are  so  thoroughly  excluded 
from  social  education  in  the  urbanity  and  grace  of  no- 
ble society,  that  they  sink  into  mere  intellectual  boors, 
while  the  aristocrats  so  seldom  hear  any  intellectual 
d;‘scussion  or  take  any  interest  in  learning  that  their  so- 
ciety becomes  either  vapidly  trivial  or  professionally 
narrow.  For  these  nobles  have  their  professions  like 
other  people,  especially  the  profession  of  arms. 

The  case  is  not  so  bad  among  us,  where  there  are 


IO 6 ART  OF  CONVERSATION  sect. 

always  great  commoners,  where  eminent  success  in 
making  money,  or  even  in  letters,  brings  men  and 
women  into  the  highest  society,  and  where  there  are 
some  of  the  greatest  positions  in  the  country  from  which 
our  Peers  are  excluded.  There  is  no  doubt  that  an 
intellectual  man,  or  a man  of  strong  and  recognized 
character,  whatever  his  origin,  can  easily  take  a place 
in  high  society  among  us.  But  howjmany  lesser  people 
are  there  of  excellent  social  gifts  who  assume  most  falsely 
that  they  are  not  suited,  and  will  not  be  welcome,  to  the 
higher  classes,  and  so  avoid  both  the  pleasure  and  the 
profit  to  be  derived  from  a more  refined,  though  not 
more  cultivated,  stratum  than  their  own  ! I am  here 
talking  of  really  modest  and  worthy  people,  not  of 
those  vain  and  vulgar  persons  who  make  it  a boast — 
often  a very  dishonest  one — that  they  have  spurned  as- 
sociating with  their  superiors,  from  a profound  con- 
tempt of  what  they  call  toadyism'. 

§ 42.  This  term,  which  expresses  the  vicious  relations 
of  socially  inferior  and  superior,  is  used  in  very  vague 
senses,  ranging  from  a just  censure  of  meanness  in  others 
to  a mistaken  assertion  of  independence  in  ourselves. 
Nothing  is  more  inherent  in  all  European  society  de- 


XLII 


WHAT  IS  A TOAD  Y? 


107 


rived  from  the  feudal  and  ecclesiastical  traditions  of 
the  Middle  Ages — probably  in  every  cultivated  society 
, — than  to  honor  rank  and  social  dignity  as  such,  apart 
from  the  real  worth  of  the  person  so  distinguished. 
This  is  the  basis  of  that  loyalty  to  sovrans  which,  even 
when  irrational,  does  not  incur  the  ' imputation  of 
toadyism.  People  of  independent  rank  and  personal 
dignity  even  still  accept  and  prize  semi-menial  offices 
about  a court,  without  losing  either  respect  among  or- 
dinary people  or  even  self-respect. 

There  is  then  such  a thing  as  respect  for  rank  as 
such,  and  a feeling  of  pride  in  the  contact  with  it, 
which  is  regarded  as  honorable.  When  does  the  virtue 
of  loyalty  pass  into  a vice  ? Clearly  when  the  higher 
and  more  important  duties  of  life  are  postponed  to  this 
love  of  outward  dignity.  The  man  who  neglects  his 
equals  for  the  purpose  of  courting  his  superiors  ; still 
more,  who  confesses  or  asserts  his  inferiority  when  as- 
sociating with  them,  and  who  submits  to  rebuffs  and 
indignities  for  the  sake  of  being  thought  their  asso- 
ciate ; above  all,  who  condones  in  them  vices  which 
he  would  not  tolerate  in  an  equal — this  man  is  justly 
liable  to  the  charge,  which,  however,  only  asserts  the 


io8  ART  OF  CONVERSATION  sect. 

exaggeration  of  a tendency  affecting  almost  all  his 
censors. 

The  usual  thing,  however,  is  to  hear  people  censured 
for  the  fact  of  associating  with  those  above  them,  as  if 
this  were  in  itself  aJ  crime.  There  is,  too,  not  unfre- 
quently  an  element  of -jealousy  in  our  criticism,  and  of 
secret  regret  that  another  has  attained  certain  advan- 
tages, or  supposed  advantages,  to  \yhich  we  ourselves 
feel  an  equal  claim.  Yet  one  thing  is  certain,  that 
if  the  supposed  toady  exhibited  in  the  society  which  he 
courts  the  qualities  ascribed  to  him  by  his  critics,  he 
would  very  soon  lose  his  position  and  miss  the  very  ob- 
ject of  his  ambition.  The  only  cause  of  his  popularity 
is  the  very  fact  that  his  company  feel  him  in  some  re- 
spects their  equal,  possibly  their  superior,  and  it  is  the 
secret  of  asserting  this  equality  with  tact  and  courtesy 
which  makes  men  and  women  popular  among  their  su- 
periors. 

There  is  one  point  of  view  which  gives  a good  talker 
a distinct  advantage  under  these  circumstances.  The 
distinctness  of  his  ordinary  associates  from  those  whom 
he  occasionally  meets  makes  his  everyday  experience 
different  from  theirs,  so  that  things  familiar  to  him  and 


XLIII 


USE  OF  VARIED  EXPERIENCE 


109 


his  everyday  society  are  often  interesting  and  novel  to 
people  of  a different  standing.  He  ought  therefore  to 
be  able  to  bring  new  information  to  bear  upon  either 
class  of  society,  so  as  to  secure  its  interest  with  his' store 
of  fresh  experiences. 


With  Inferiors 

§ 43.  Let  us  now  turn  to  the  other  side  and  consider 
the  proper  principles  of  conversation  with  inferiors. 
And  here,  too,  it  is  more  practical  to  take  our  stand- 
point in  the  middle  class  of  society,  and  not  among 
those  who  must  habitually  talk  to*  inferiors  owing  to 
their  own  high  condition.  The  same  key  unlocks  the 
secret  of  success.  If  it  be  indispensable  for  good  con- 
versation to  make  your  superiors  feel  you  for  the  time 
their  equal,  so  it  is  indispensable  that  your  inferiors 
should  feel  that  they  too  are  upon  a social,  level  with 
you  during  their  talk.  Of  course,  the  first  thing  is  to 
banish  all  traces  of  condescension , that  odious  ape  of 
humility  and  urbanity,  which  is  the  loud  expression  of 
want  of  brains  and  want  of  tact,  for  it  emphasizes  the 
very  differences  which  conversation  seeks  to  obliterate. 


no  ART  OF  CONVERSATION  sect. 

On  the  other  hand,  there  is  an  extreme  of  familiarity 
which  shocks  and  alarms  the  inferior,  for  he  justly  ex- 
pects a sudden  revulsion  from  it,  as  we  are  told  in  Poly- 
bius of  the  common  people  of  Antioch,  into  whose 
humble  entertainments  or  amusements  Antiochus  Epiph- 
anes  would  come,  and  sit  down  to  drink  and  joke 
-with  them.  These  vagaries  on  the  part  of  their  despotic 
sovran  so  frightened  them  that  they)  would  get  up  and 
run  away.  The  just  mean  is  to  strike  out  a line  of  con- 
versation, either  of  common  interest,  or  in  which  the 
inferior  is  a specialist,  and  therefore  your  superior.  He 
will  then  feel  that  he  is  speaking  with  authority,  and 
the  honest  expression  of  your  ignorance  and  your  desire 
to  learn  will  give  him  confidence  to  tell  you  freely  what 
he  knows. 

§ 44.  It  is  in  the  lower  ranks  of  society  that  national 
differences  become  really  great.  The  highly  bred  or 
highly  cultivated  people  of  any  European  nation  have 
attained  a certain  unity  of  type,  and  are  interested  by 
the  same  sort  of  conversation  ; it  is  very  different  with 
English,  French,  Italian,  and  German  peasants.  Nay, 
even  within  our  islands,  there  is  a marked  difference  in 
the  social  abilities  of  English,  Scotch,  and  Irish  peas- 


XLIV 


AGREEABLE  FEASANTS 


hi 


ants.  It  is  customary  to  set  this  down  to  race,  and  be 
satisfied  with  some  such  vague  generality.  But  I fancy 
the  causes  of  these  social  differences  are  rather  recent 
than  primeval ; they  do  not  depend  directly  upon  cli- 
mate or  atmosphere,  and  if  I may  quote  the  opinion  of 
a wise  friend  on  this  great  question,  possibly  one  chief 
cause  of  the  talking  or  social  ability  of  some  peasantries 
over  others  is  the  fact  that  their  proximate  ancestors 
were  a bilingual  people.  Thus  the  great  majority  of 
West  Irish  and  North  Scotch  peasants  are- descended 
from  grandfathers  whose  talk  oscillated  between  Celtic 
and  English,  and  who  were  therefore  constantly  edu- 
cated in  intelligence  by  the  problem  of  translating  ideas 
from  one  language  into  another,  not  to  mention  the 
distinct  inheritance  of  the  special  ideas  peculiar  to  each 
and  every  language.  This  is  an  education  in  expres- 
sion, in  thinking,  and  therefore  in  conversation,  wholly 
foreign  to  the  English  Midland  boor,  who  has  never 
heard  more  than  two  or  three  hundred  words  of  a very 
rude  provincial  dialect  of  English,  and  therefore  com- 
mands neither  the  words  nor  the  ideas  of  the  outlying 
provinces.  A great  part  of  the  French  peasantry  are 
likewise  proximately  descended  from  bilingual  ances- 


112 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


tors,  French  being  the  old  language  of  but  a small  part 
of  their  now  recognized  territory.  Breton,  Bearnais, 
Provencal,  Walloon,  are  even  still  living  languages  in 
large  parts  of  France  (as  was  German  up  to  1871),  and 
so  the  peasantry  were  under  like  favorable  conditions. 

But  I must  not  diverge  further  from  the  subject  in 
hand.  Thus  much  was  naturally  suggested  to  me  by  the 
best  and  most  diverting  conversation  I know  with  in- 
feriors— that  which  sporting  men  have  with  those  whose 
livelihood  has  been  earned  by  studying  the  habits  and 
ways  of  fish  and  game.  There  are  few  men  who  shoot, 
fish,  or  hunt  in  Ireland,  who  do  not  know  specimens  of 
that  remarkable  though  small  class  whose  natural  ability, 
combined  with  long  experience,  makes  them  masters  of 
their  craft,  and  whose  long  association  with  their  supe- 
riors in  matters  of  sport  has  given  them  perfect  ease 
and  even  charm  of  manners.  Conversation  with  these 
people,  which  is  often  prolonged  through  many  hours, 
is  not  only  very  instructive — a secondary  matter  to  us 
now — but  exceedingly  amusing,  from  the  perfect  frank- 
ness as  well  as  tact  with  which  they  speak  their  mind  to 
the  sporting  friend,  whom  they  regard  as  their  inferior 
or  equal  from  a professional  point  of  view.  It  is  this 


LXV 


VERY  OLD  PEOPLE 


113 

perfect  liberty,  this  spiritual  equality,  often  designated 
as  the  freemasonry  of  sport,  from  which  arises  the  charm 
of  talking  upon  subjects  of  common  interest  to  one 
confessedly  inferior  in  many  respects.  But  in  one  he 
is  commonly  your  superior,  even  apart  from  his  sport. 
It  has  been  far  more  important  to  him  all  his  life  to 
study  and  know  the  characters  of  his  employers  than  it 
has  been  for  them  to  study  his,  and  so  he  is  generally 
your  superior  in  perceiving  what  will  please,  and  what 
topics  are  to  be  selected  or  avoided  in  conversation. 
Nothing  has  struck  me  more  in  many  such  talks  than 
the  acute  estimate  which  these  people  form  of  the 
strength  and  weakness  of  those  who  are  their  patrons. 

These  are  illustrations  of  a general  kind,  to  show  how 
inferiority  in  social  station  may  not  imply  inferiority 
for  the  purposes  of  conversation,  so  that  we  may  even 
here  attain  that  equality  which  I regard  as  essential  for 
its  success. 


The  Relations  of  Sex  and  Age 

§ 45.  So  far  we  have  been  considering  the  quality  of 
the  company  as  determined  by  social  position,  which,  if 

8 


114 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT.  ' 


not  an  absolutely  artificial  distinction,  is  at  least  fre- 
quently such,  so  that  it  may  be  even  reversed  by  cir- 
cumstances. There  are  great  distinctions  made  by  na- 
ture which  are  indelible,  and  which  must  therefore  be 
reckoned  with  as  permanent  factors  in  our  theory — I 
mean  those  of  age  and  sex. 

There  are,  properly  speaking,  three  grades  of  ‘ age 
worth  considering — youth,  maturity,  and  old  age ; but 
from  our  point  of  view  we  are  justified  in  regarding 
mature  life  as  the  normal  .State,  and  shall  therefore  con- 
sider the  duties  of  the  mature  man  and  woman  as  they 
come  in  contact  with  the  extremes.  It  is  not  worth 
while  writing  any  advices  for  the  old,  as  they  are  be- 
yond the  age  of  improvement,  though  by  no  means 
always  stripped  of  their  social  qualities  ; indeed,  the 
position  of  very  old  people,  who  have  maintained  their 
faculties,  is  quite  exceptional  in  modern  society,  and 
will  require  a few  words  of  comment  in  the  present 
connection. 

A collection  of  very  old  people  is  of  course  hardly 
to  be  found  ; so  that  the  practical  case  before  us  is  the 
occurrence  of  one,  or  at  most  two,  very  old  people  in  a 
company,  and  the  consequent  modifications  in  ordinary 


xlv  THE  EMBERS  FLASHING  UP  1 15 

society  likely  to  make  this  element  effective  and  agree- 
able. It  may  almost  be  assumed  that  however  lively 
the  old  person  is,  he  (or  she)  will  not  be  able  to  con- 
verse when  many  people  are  talking  in  the  room,  and  to 
assert  himself  in  even  a small  crowd.  There  must  be 
comparative  silence  while  he  is  speaking,  and  special  at- 
tention should  be  paid  him.  Under  these  circumstances 
it  almost  follows  as  a matter  of  course  that  he  should 
be  discreetly  drawn  out  to  tell  such  experiences  as  are 
beyond  the  memory  of  the  rest,  which  from  their  pic- 
tures of  bygone  manners  or  long  dead  celebrities  are 
very  interesting,  and  admirably  suited  for  the  best  social 
recreation.  The  many  Recollections , Diaries , Autobiog- 
raphies, etc.,  now  published  from  the  papers  of  the  mere 
•observers  of  their  age,  such  as  Greville,  and  which  are 
generally  too  trivial  and  minute  to  make  good  books, 
form  the  staple  of  excellent  conversation  when  told  by 
the  very  actor  or  observer.  Of  course  there  is  a con- 
siderable chance  of  his  becoming  tedious ; it  is  one  of 
the  most  frequent  defects  of  age;  but  if  a man’s  hobby 
makes  him  tedious,  it  may  also  make  him  very  interest- 
ing ; and  the  first  and  best  receipt  to  make  a man  agree- 
able is  to  make  him  talk  about  what  he  likes  best. 


1 1 6 ART  OF  CONFERS  A TION  sect. 

The  most  successful  conversations  with  old  men  are, 
however,  not  those  with  the  old  raconteur , who  is  in  the 
habit  of  narrating  his  experiences  and  expects  to  be 
asked  to  do  so,  but  with  some  modest  and  apparently 
dull  old  person  who  is  successfully  probed  by  intelligent 
and  sympathetic  questions,  till  he  is  actually  reminded 
of  long-forgotten  scenes,  which  have  perhaps  not  been 
suggested  to  him  for  years,  and  then  he  draws  from  his 
memory,  with  the  help  of  further  questions,  some  pas- 
sage of  life  and  adventure  of  the  highest  interest. 
Many  a time  have  I seen  an  old  person,  at  first  regarded 
as  an  obstacle,  prove  the  hightest  advantage  to  the  con- 
versation, and  it' is  for  this  reason  that  in  a book  of 
theory  the  reader  should  be  reminded  that  here  is  a val- 
uable item  which  is  often  heedlessly  thrown  away.  It 
is  generally  easy  enough  to  gather  from  the  old  gentle- 
man (or  lady)  where  he  has  lived,  what  society  he  has 
frequented,  and  what  are  his  strongest  impressions  as  to 
the  contrasts  between  his  own  early  days  and  ours. 

There  is  allowed,  moreover,  in  discussing  the  gossip 
and  the  scandal  of  a bygone  generation  an  amount  of 
freedom — I had  almost  said  license — which  would  be 
intolerable  as  regards  living  society,  and  a very  old 


XL vi  TEDIOUS  OLD  PEOPLE  n? 

person  may  be  allowed  to  say  things  which  younger 
people  should  avoid.  I do  not  mention  this  as  an  ad- 
vantage in  itself — far  from  it — but  as  an  additional  pos- 
sibility in  making  conversation  lively,  and  in  avoiding 
that  stagnation  in  talk  which,  from  our  present  point  of 
view,  is  the  worst  fault  known  to  society. 

It  is  also  obvious  that  as  old  people  are  unable  to  talk 
loudly  and  with  vivacity,  the  dialogue  between  two,  or 
a couple  of  listeners  added  to  the  questioner,  will  be  the 
most  likely  way  to  attain  the  end  in  view.  To  stop  an 
old  person  who  is  becoming  tedious  is  probably  the  most 
difficult  of  all  social  duties,  and  requires  the  most  deli- 
cate tact.  The  respect  due  to  age  takes  from  our  hands 
those  weapons  of  sarcasm,  banter,  or  even  blunt  inter- 
ruption which  are  our  naturul  defences  against  obtrusive 
youth ; it  is  fortunate  that  the  theorist  is  not  required 
to  lay  down  general  directions  which  can  deliver  a host 
or  hostess  in  this  grave  and  not  uncommon  difficulty. 
It  is  of  course  useless  to  lecture  old  people,  either  in 
this  book  or  elsewhere,  on  the  dangers  of  tediousness. 

§ 4 6.  I turn  now  to  conversation  with  people  much 
younger  than  ourselves,  not  of  course  with  babies,  or 
very  young  children,  the  art  of  amusing  whom  can 


1 1 8 ART  OF  CONFERS  A TION  sect. 

hardly  be  called  the  art  of  conversation.  I mean  rather 
such  ordinary  cases  as  going  in  to  dinner  with  a person 
much  younger  than  yourself,  whose  main  interests  must 
therefore  be  foreign  to  yours ; or  else  the  entertaining  of 
a party  of  young  people  who  have  met  for  purposes  of 
sport,  but  are  also  to  be  regarded  as  guests  at  a table 
where  conversation  asserts  its  universal  importance. 

What  modifications  in  our  talk  are  here  desirable  ? 

In  the  first  place  it  is  but  natural  for  the  older  person 
to  lead  the  discourse,  and  suggest  the  topics  which  will 
elicit  sympathy  from  the  young.  And  of  course  the 
easiest  way  to  begin  is  to  make  people  talk  about  them- 
selves—this  being  a subject  which  interests  most  young 
people  exceedingly.  But  it  is  by  no  means  an  universal 
rule.  The  life  of  the  young,  of  schoolboys  and  of 
young  girls  is  often  very  monotonous,  and  really  affords 
no  scope  for  conversation  beyond  the  first  ordinary  in- 
quiries into  their  tastes,  habits,  and  what  they  read.  If 
there  be  a strong  taste  for  any  special  thing,  such  as 
music  or  cricket,  the  difficulty  is  easily  overcome. 

But  if,  as  is  too  often  the  case,  the  youth  has  not 
thought  seriously  about  anything,  the  elder  must  draw 
from  his  own  stores,  and  tell  experiences  which  will  be 


xlvii  THE  DUTY  OF  SHOWING  OFF  119 

new  and  interesting  from  their  curiosity,  such  as  the  ways 
and  habits  of  the  lower  animals  which  he  may  have  ob- 
served, the  manners  of  men,  or  of  strange  cities  which 
he  has  visited,  the  feats  he  has  seen  performed.  These 
things  are  seldom  suitable  for  other  kinds  of  society, 
when  any  display  of  experiences  is  offensive ; but  in 
talking  to  young,  fresh,  and  ingenuous  people  the  novelty 
of  the  information  given  them  will  generally  obscure 
their  critical  or  fault-finding  sense,  and  even  if  they  are 
very  sceptical  as  to  facts, — the  young  and  inexperienced 
in  our  day  are  usually  so, — they  will  fully  appreciate  the 
effort  to  make  them  feel  happy. 

§ 47.  It  is  perhaps  not  till  then  that  the  talker  will 
succeed  in  finding  out  some  interesting  nook  in  their 
short  experience.  They  have  been  in  accidental  contact 
with  some  great  or  notorious  person,  and  have  seen  him 
in  his  leisure  moments;  they  may  have  lived  in  a pe- 
culiar country ; where  either  the  sport  or  the  natural 
features  are  very  interesting,  and  upon  which  they  can 
have  the  distinction  of  instructing  older  and  wiser 
people. 

I have  met  quiet  country  gentlemen  who  in  their 
youth  had  seen  active  service  in  the  army,  and  fought 


120 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


in  remarkable  campaigns,  who  never  spoke  of  these 
things  among  their  neighbors,  so  that  when  some  in- 
telligent stranger  drew  from  them  their  experiences  it 
came  like  a revelation  to  those  who  for  years  had  voted 
them  stupid  and  dull  members  of  a county  society. 

So  important  and  so  neglected  is  this  social  duty  of 
probing  for  the  strong  point  of  others,  which  is  naturally 
brought  forward  in  connection  with  the  effort  to  talk 
with  the  young  and  inexperienced,  that  I am  disposed 
to  lay  this  down  as  a practical  rule  : if  you  find  the  com- 
pany dully  blame  yourself.  With  more  skill  and  more 
patience  on  your  part  it  is  almost  certain  you  would 
have  found  it  agreeable.  If  even  two  or  three  people 
in  a company  acted  on  this  rule,  how  seldom  would  our 
social  meetings  prove  a failure  ! 

§ 48.  We  come  now  to  a still  more  indelible  con- 
trast than  that  of  age,  and  ask  what  effects,  advantage- 
ous or  otherwise,  has  the  contrast  of  sex  upon  conver- 
sation? It  is  a problem  very  difficult  indeed  to  solve, 
for  while  it  is  a great  law  of  nature  that  the  very  in- 
stincts of  each  sex  urge  it  to  please  the  other,  it  is  on 
the  contrary  a great  law  of  society  that  (perhaps  for  this 
very  reason)  a large  number  of  topics  are  not  to  be  dis- 


XLVIII 


OVER-FREEDOM 


121 


cussed  by  the  sexes  in  common.  It  is  then  a case  where 
nature  stimulates  and  tradition  restrains : which  shall 
we  declare  to  be  stronger?  That  depends  altogether 
upon  the  character  of  the  society  in  which  we  live. 
If  it  be  perfectly  free — let  us  say  the  society  of  the 
Navigator  Islands — there  the  natural  attraction  of  op- 
posite sexes  will  make  their  conversation  far  more  agree- 
able than  that  of  men  or  women  separately. 

So  it  is,  too,  among  those  exceptional  sets  of  people 
in  civilized  countries,  who  brave  public  opinion  so  far 
as  to  speak  their  minds  to  the  other  sex,  and  whose  con- 
versation is  accordingly  considered  too  free  by  the 
average  of  people  around  them.  In  this  it  is  natural 
that  the  more  restrained  sex  should  take  the  initiative ; 
but  if  any  woman  make  bold  to  speak  with  perfect  free- 
dom among  men,  and  if  she  be  gifted  with  the  ordinary 
talents  for  conversation,  she  will  be  more  agreeable 
than  an  intelligent  man  who  says  the  same  things — • 
or  rather  she  will  say  things  in  a fresher  way;  the 
very  situation  is  somewhat  piquant,  and  so  she  will 
certainly  gain  by  the  contrast  of  sex.  A small  party  of 
men  and  women  of  this  sort  ought  to  produce  the  most 
amusing  conversation  possible.  But  I need  only  hint 


1 22 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


how  easily  such  a society  may  transgress  the  due  limits, 
and  degenerate  into  what  the  later  Athenians  thought 
brilliant,  and  collected  in  a special  book.  Nor  will 
freedom,  far  less  audacity,  in  conversation  redeem 
ignorance,  rudeness,  or  graver  vices. 

Take  another  kind  of  society,  either  one  of  Puritan- 
ical strictness — I remember  when  the  word  girl  was 
thought  rather  improper  in  religious  Dublin  society, 
you  should  sa  y young  person — or  else  that  sort  of  foreign 
society  which,  from  suspicion  and  fear,  prohibits  any 
intimacy  between  young  men  and  women,  or  brands 
such  intimacy  as  foreign  to  good  society.  There  can 
be  no  doubt  that  here  contrast  of  sex  is  fatal  to  conver- 
sation, which  will  become  constrained,  conventional, 
and  occupied  with  topics  either  too  trivial  or  too  serious 
for  proper  recreation.  Women  living  under  these  con- 
ditions find  no  interest  in  studying  the  subjects  that  in- 
terest men — especially  politics ; and  so  it  comes  to  pass 
that  in  the  greater  part  of  orderly  modern  English 
society,  a company  of  men  only  is  thought  more  agree- 
able than  a mixed  one — even  though  the  ladies  be  not 
so  strict  as  in  the  extreme  cases  mentioned,  but  merely 
understand  domestic  and  moral  topics,  to  the  exclusion 
of  public  affairs. 


XLIX 


USES  OF  FLA  TTER  V 


123 


§ 49.  This  being  the  general  aspect  of  the  problem, 
it  only  remains  to  apply  the  principles  already  attained 
in  the  case  of  a dialogue  with  one  of  the  other  sex.  In 
old  times,  that  extreme  form  of  courtesy  called  gal- 
lantry was  thought  the  proper  way  to  please  a woman. 
It  is  now  almost  vulgar,  and  the  man  who  desires  to 
Hatter  an  intelligent  woman,  and  interest  her,  will  take 
care  to  treat  her  as  an  intellectual  equal,  not  as  a play- 
thing or  a pet.  A man  who  seizes  the  opportunity  of  a 
conversation  to  consult  a lady  on  some  social  difficulty, 
or  makes  her  for  the  moment  his  confidante  in  some 
matter  not  to  be  divulged,  will  be  almost  sure  to  find 
her  agreeable  and  sympathetic. 

Men,  especially  elderly  men,  are  far  more  easily  flat- 
tered by  women,  and  more  easily  carried  away  by  such 
flattery.  For  this  reason  I think  it  unnecessary,  nay, 
perhaps  mischievous,  to  discuss  how  ladies  use  this 
powerful  engine  in  society.  The  real  difficulty  under 
which  they  labor  as  to  conversation  is  to  hit  off  the 
right  mean  between  prudery  and  its  opposite,  to  know 
how  far  to  speak  out  frankly,  and  when  to  put  a bridle 
on  the  talker  who  threatens  to  overstep  the  bounds  of 
the  reverence  due  to  ourselves  and  to  one  another. 


124 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


This  reverence  is,  of  course,  due  most  especially  to 
youth,  and  elderly  people  who  discuss  before  young 
boys  and  girls  any  topics  not  perfectly  pure,  are  guilty 
of  such  a crime  in  conversation  as  can  hardly  be  cen- 
sured too  severely.  Before  other  elderly  people  the 
case  is  somewhat  different,  and  things  may  then  be  said 
or  implied  which  are  not  suited  for  discussion  in  the 
presence  of  the  young.  But  above  all,  let  us  be  strict 
in  checking  this  kind  of  license,  which  is  so  apt  to  take 
possession  of  the  baser  minds  among  us,  and  degrade 
conversation — the  recreation  of  intellect  and  the  mirror 
of  social  goodness— into  a serious  mischief. 

§ 50.  What  I have  said  above  concerning  the  ad-  - 
vantage  of  treating  the  other  sex  as  strict  equals  in  con- 
versation, is  but  another  instance  of  the  principle 
already  laid  down  (§  40),  that  no  really  bright  social 
intercourse  is  possible  without  equality.  There  is,  in 
fact,  nothing  so  democratic  as  good  conversation,  noth- 
ing so  Protestant,  for  we  must  seem  to  assert  our  private 
judgment,  even  where  we  assent.  And  as  a man  does 
best  to  seek  a woman’s  opinion,  and  ask  her  advice, 
so  as  to  make  her  feel  on  the  same  plane,  a woman  who 
desires  to  be  agreeable  may  differ  without  hesitation 


LI 


WOMAN’S  RIGHTS 


125 


from  the  opinions  expressed  by  men,  and  assert  her  in- 
dependence of  judgment,  and  her  consequent  right  to 
take  part  in  a real  conversation.  A woman  who  does 
this,  even  ignorantly,  or  without  good  reasons,  is  better 
than  she  who  sits  down  and  acquiesces  in  whatever  is 
said  by  men ; this  mental  submission  is  the  acknowl- 
edgment of  inferiority  which  is  subversive  of  all 
pleasant  talk. 


Degrees  of  Intimacy 

§ 51.  The  only  other  classification  of  the  members 
of  a small  society  worth  making  liere  is  in  accordance 
with  the  various  degrees  of  their  previous  intimacy. 
They  may  either  be  a family  party  consisting  of  near 
relations,  or  a friendly  party  consisting  of  intimate 
friends,  or  a party  of  casual  acquaintances  who  meet 
not  unfrequently,  or  a chance  collection  of  almost 
strangers.  In  all  these  cases  there  is  naturally  some 
modification  in  the  conditions  of  agreeable  talking. 
And  first  of  all  let  us  mention  to  those  who  think  it  is 
not  worth  while  taking  trouble  to  talk  in  their  family 
circle,  or  who  read  the  newspaper  at  meals,  that  they 


126  ART  OF  CONVERSATION  , sect. 

are  making  a mistake  which  has  far-reaching  conse- 
quences. It  is  nearly  as  bad  as  those  convent  schools 
or  ladies’  academies,  where  either  silence  or  a foreign- 
tongue  is  imposed  at  meals,  and  concerning  which  I 
have  already  spoken  (§  37).  Whatever  people  may 
think  of  the  value  of  theory,  there  is  no  doubt  whatever 
that  practice  is  necessary  for  conversation,  and  it  is  at 
home,  among  those  who  are  intimate,  and  free  in  ex- 
pressing their  thoughts,  that  this  practice  must  besought. 
It  is  thus,  and  thus  only,  that  young  people  can  go  out 
into  the  world  properly  provided  with  the  really  uni- 
versal introduction  to  society — agreeable  manners. 

Here,  then,  conversation  is  not  so  much  a recreation 
as  a duty,  and  so  becomes  too  grave  a matter  for  this 
book.  I will  merely  say  a word  upon  the  position  of  a 
guest  who  is  introduced  into  such  a party,  to  whose 
daily  trifles,  family  feuds,  or  friendships,  he  is  a stran- 
ger. It  is,  of  course,  the  first  duty  of  the  family  not 
to  monopolize  the  topics  by  discussing  family  histories 
unknown  and  uninteresting  beyond  their  circle.  Men- 
ander long  ago  complained  of  the  misfortune  of  falling 
into  a party  of  this  kind.  On  the  other  hand,  the 
stranger  assumes  a temporary  interest  in  affairs  outside 


LIII 


' MEETING  STRANGERS 


127 


his  ordinary1  life,  and  merely  for  the  sake  of  his  hosts. 
But  if  he  is  appealed  to  as  an  umpire  by  members  who 
habitually  differ  in  opinion  (and  this  he  will  easily 
note)  he  will  be  very  wary  of  giving  a decision,  and 
rather  discover  that  there  is  truth  on  each  side  of  the 
question. 

§ 52.  Far  easier  is  the  position  of  a party  of  intimate 
friends.  They  have  probably  become  friends  simply 
because  they  enjoy  each  other’s  society,  and  have 
many  topics  of  interest  in  common.  It  requires  no  ex- 
ertion to  make  them  talk,  and  they  will  readily  con- 
done moments  of  taciturnity  and  depression  in  one  or 
more  members  of  the  party.  They  want  no  advice, 
and  need  no  instruction,  for  they  possess  the  only  true 
and  permanent  human  bond  which  keeps  men  and 
women  ever  sympathetic,  and  ever  agreeable  to  one 
another. 

§ 53.  As  regards  a company  of  strangers,  on  the 
contrary,  all  the  principles  stated  in  the  earlier  parts  of 
this  book  will  have  their  clearest  application.  To  in- 
terest or  to  fascinate  a stranger  requires  all  the  gifts 
there  enumerated,  and  in  proportion  as  we  possess  them, 
and  take  pains  to  use  them,  we  shall  succeed  in  turning 


128 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


the  stranger  into  the  friend.  There  is  no  greater  test 
of  conversational  powers  than  to  go  into  a company  of 
strangers,  to  make  them  feel  at  home,  to  turn  their 
minds  to  some  common  thought,  and  establish  an 
agreeable  and  sociable  spirit  where  there  was  at  first 
nothing  but  coldness  and  diffidence.  To  do  this  single- 
handed  is  a feat  beyond  the  power  of  most  people. 
But  if  several  persons  make  an  effort  in  the  same  direc- 
tion, the  combination  will  effect  what  a single  genius 
can  hardly  accomplish. 

Nothing  proves  more  conclusively  the  value  of 
practice  in  these  things  than  the  fact  that  the  higher 
classes,  who  are  compelled  through  constant  moving 
about  both  at  home  and  abroad  to  converse  frequently 
with  casual  acquaintances,  and  who  in  various  society 
often  meet  strangers — these  are  the  people  in  whom  we 
generally  observe  ease  of  conversation  under  such  con- 
ditions. We  set  it  down  to  good  breeding,  but  this 
means  that  not  only  they  but  their  ancestors  have  been 
practicing  it.  Hereditary  virtues  have  not  been 
created  with  less  labor  than  any  other  virtues.  Gen- 
erally they  require  the  efforts  of  several  generations, 
and  are  from  this  point  of  view  the  most  arduous  and 
meritorious  of  all. 


L1V 


SUBJECTS 


129 


The  Topics  of  Conversation — Serious  and  Trivial 

§ 54.  Having  now  exhausted  the  subjective  side, 
that  is  to  say  the  qualities  in  the  speaker  and  the  con- 
ditions among  the  hearers  which  make  or  mar  conver- 
sation, it  is  natural  to  proceed  to  the  objective  side, 
and  see  how  far  we  can  classify  the  topics  which  form 
the  matter  of  our  talk.  Of  course  a division  of  the 
actual  subjects  under  specific  heads  would  require  an 
encyclopaedia,  and  even  then  would  never  be  complete, 
for  the  very  essence  of  good  conversation  is  to  wander 
through  all  possible  things  in  heaven,  in  earth,  and 
under  the  earth,  without  bond  or  limit,  the  only  uni- 
versal condition  being  that  we  should  range  far  and 
near  and  seek  all  possible  variety,  or  rather  let  ourselves 
drift  from  point  to  point,  than  determine  to  hold  a 
fixed  course.  The  quantity,  therefore,  of  subjects  being 
infinite,  and  so  not  to  be  described,  we  must  con- 
tent ourselves  with  regarding  them  in  quality  as  either 
serious  or  trivial ; in  relation  to  the  speakers,  as  either 
universal  or  personal;  in  the  mode  of  treatment,  as 
handled  either  in  council,  in  controversy,  or  in  ex- 
position. 

9 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


*3° 

§ 55.  Oar  theory  has  declared  itself  long  ago  against 
over-seriousness  in  conversation.  This  caution  is 
specially  necessary  nowadays — when  people  read  so 
many  books  and  work  so  hard — lest  they  should  regard 
conversation  as  merely  a deliberate  method  of  in- 
struction and  channel  of  improvement.  Nay,  these 
very  objects  will  be  far  better  attained  indirectly  and 
by  the  way,  while  the  company  is  indulging  in  talk  as  a 
recreation. 

But  it  is  almost  needless  to  say  that  the  most  solid 
and  lasting  recreation,  the  most  excellent  refreshment 
of  the  soul,  is  to  be  had  from  very  serious  converse, 
especially  where  not  more  than  two  or  three  are 
gathered  together,  and  to  exclude  this  precious  comfort 
from  any  theory  of  conversation  would  be  absurd.  On 
the  other  hand,  where  two  people  are  earnestly  engaged 
on  a really  serious  topic,  we  may  leave  them  to  them- 
selves, and  need  not  intrude  upon  them  any  idle  con- 
siderations as  to  their  manner  of  treating  it.  For  this 
is  not  conversation  in  the  proper  sense.  “ In  this  frame 
of  mind,”  sa«ys  Hawthorne  in  his  Transformation  (chap, 
ii.),  “men  sometimes  find  their  profoundest  truths  side 
by  side  with  the  idlest  jest,  and  utter  one  or  the  other, 


LV 


THE  JUSTE  MILIEU 


*3* 


apparently  without  distinguishing  which  is  the  more 
valuable  or  assigning  any  considerable  value  to  either. ” 
He  hits  the  truth  exactly.  Great  seriousness  is  as 
detrimental  to  a general  talk  as  excessive  trifling.  For 
as  the  latter  fails  after  a few  moments  to  interest  people 
who  have  any  sense,  so  the  former  fails  to  recreate  or 
amuse,  and  is  in  fact  earnest  work  invading  the  proper 
domain  of  leisure. 

There  is  therefore  no  general  direction  here  pos- 
sible save  to  avoid  both  extremes,  or  rather  to  avoid 
persistence  in  either  extreme,  for  it  is  better  to  have 
them  in  turn,  than  to  cultivate  subjects  which  are  in- 
different. Brilliant  talk  alternates  between  grave  and 
gay,  and  above  all  shuns  dryness,  detail,  minuteness — 
in  a word,  tediousness. 

The  moment  at  which,  by  common  consent,  people 
talk  trivialities,  is  the  moment  of  first  introduction. 
And  here  the  weather  is  almost  invariably  the  first  pawn 
to  be  moved.  It  is  amazing  what  triteness  and  endless 
repetition  are  tolerated  by  society  on  this  point.  The 
facts  stated  are  common  property,  and  agreed  to  by  all, 
so  that  the  first  object  of  ordinary  people  seems  to  be 
to  express  nothing  while  they  are  saying  something. 


1 32 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


Yet  I suppose  what  is  sanctioned  by  almost  universal 
practice  must  have  some  good  reason  behind  it,  and  is 
perhaps  meant  to  give  people  time  to  observe  each 
other  without  apparent  rudeness.  This  method  of 
opening  the  game  seems,  however,  so  trite  that  every 
agreeable  person  will  endeavor  to  break  through  mere 
formality  and  make  the  people  about  him  begin  to  think 
as  soon  as  possible.  On  the  other  hand,  it  is  easy  to 
overdo  the  attempt,  and  begin  with  something  so  serious 
that  the  unprepared  audience  is  frightened  and  chilled. 
Thus  there  can  be  no  greater  blunder  than  to  inquire 
suddenly  about  the  state  of  a man's  soul,  a sort  of  coup 
which  many  pious  people  have  actually  thought  a decent 
introduction  to  a conversation. 


The  Topics  of  Conversation — General  and  Per- 
sonal 

§ 56.  Here  we  have  before  us  one  of  the  most  diffi- 
cult of  problems,  and  which  I shall  rather  state  than 
attempt  to  solve.  Should  we  aim  at  making  our  con- 
versation universal  in  subject,  or  should  we  prefer  it  to 
be  on  personal  topics,  such  as  gossip  or  scandal — the 


LVI 


THE  SCANDAL  MONGER 


133 


character  of  some  mutual  friend,  an  enemy,  and  so 
forth  ? There  is  not  the  smallest  doubt  that  if  we  wish 
it  to  be  profitable  and  improving,  personal  topics  should 
be  avoided,  and  that  we  should  talk  not  about  people 
but  about  things.  And  when  an  assembly  of  really 
cultivated  people  discuss  literary  questions,  such  as  the 
comparative  merits  of  poets  or  novelists,  there  is_not.. 
only  great  pleasure  to  be  gained  from  such  a society, 
but  the  after-taste  is  good,  and  men  feel  that  their 
leisure  has  not  been  in  vain. 

On  the  other  hand,  it  is  idle  to  deny  that  in  most 
companies  people  have  not  read  or  thought  enough  to 
join  in  such  a conversation  or  to  enjoy  it;  whereas  de- 
tails of  personal  life,  the  latest  anecdote,  the  facts  or 
surmises  about  some  scandal,  the  adverse  criticism  of 
some  acquaintance — all  this  kind  of  thing,  ranging 
from  harmless  gossip  into  libellous  scandal,  is  deeply 
interesting  to  almost  everybody,  and  though  by  no 
means  improving  is  always  entertaining. 

But  even  so  let  the  scandal-monger  beware.  If  his 
ordinary  topics  are  the  characters  of  his  acquaintances, 
he  will  soon  find  himself  shunned  or  treated  with  sus- 
picion by  society ; and  nothing  so  completely  kills  all 


134 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


the  pleasure  of  a company  as  a protest  from  any  one 
present  that  he  will  not  have  his  absent  friend  maligned, 
and  that  he  denies  the  truth  of  what  has  just  been  said. 
To  apologize  to  him  for  the  statement  or  to  resist  him 
with  argument  is  equally  fatal,  for  the  whole  ease  and 
good  temper  required  for  pleasant  talk  has  vanished 
for  that  occasion. 

§ 57.  For  these  reasons,  unless  the  talk  consists  of 
confidences  between  two  people  who  thoroughly  under- 
stand one  another,  in  which  case  I hold  personal  topics 
to  be  far  the  easiest  and  the  most  agreeable,  our  theory 
tells  us  to  raise  if  possible  the  gossip  about  individuals 
into  reflections  upon  classes  or  even  principles.  Thus, 
if  a young  lady  remarks  that  such  a man  is  conceited, 
you  may  raise  the  question  how  far  conceit  is  excusable; 
or  whether  it  may  not  be  commendable;  whether  it 
means  a false  estimate  of  poor  endowment  or  a just 
estimate  of  considerable  Attainments,  and  so  forth.  Or 
else  you  may  inquire  whether  men  or  women  are  the 
more  conceited  as  a rule,  and  whether  Aristotle  was  not 
right  in  setting  down  over-bashfulness  as  a vice.  Be- 
ginning then  with  the  characters  of  individuals,  which 
is  the  easiest  prologue,  and  in  which  somebody  will 


LVII 


PERSONAL  TALK 


135 


always  be  ready  to  start,  we  disengage  the  general  or 
common  feature,  and  not  only  avoid  personalities,  but 
enable  those  who  have  no  knowledge  and  interest 
about  the  person  described  to  join  in  the  broader  dis- 
cussion of  social  ethics.  And  let  it  not  be  imagined 
that  because  these  things  have  been  discussed  millions 
of  times  they  are  therefore  trite  and  dull.  Just  as  each 
succeeding  philosopher  insists  on  thinking  out  again 
for  himself  what  seems  to  have  been  thoroughly  ex- 
hausted by  his  predecessors,  so  every  member  of  society 
thinks  himself  capable  of  deciding  over  again  upon 
questions  which  have  been  settled  by  thousands  of  other 
people  to  their  own  satisfaction. 

I said  above  (§32)  that  when  two  people  only  are 
conversing,  personal  topics  are  most  suitable,  and  of  all 
these  the  confessions  of  either  to  the  other  are  the  best. 
In  the  first  place  nothing  is  so  agreeable  to  most  men 
as  to  have  their  own  history  the  object  of  sympathy, 
and  that  is  the  meaning  of  the  trite  adge : Talk  to 
people  about  themselves,  and  not  about  yourself.  And 
again,  nothing  can  be  more  fascinating  then  genuine 
autobiography — I mean  confessions  of  human  experi- 
ence not  set  down  for  .the  public,  not  trussed  and 


136 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


cooked  for  their  use,  but  the  real  out-speaking  of  a hu- 
man heart.  This  it  is  which  makes  autobiographies  so 
popular  as  books  ; though  as  soon  as  any  one  begins  to 
confess  to  the  public,  all  the  real  depth  and  intimacy 
of  his  experience  vanish,  generally  to  make  way  for  ex- 
hibitions of  morbid  vanity.  It  is  only  one  man  in  a 
million  wTho  has  the  modesty  and  the  shamelessness,  the 
innocence  and  the  impudence  to  unveil  all  his  real  life  to 
the  world  of  strangers. 


Topics  of  Conversation— Modes  of  Treatment 

§ 58.  Finally,  we  may  distinguish  the  mode  in  which 
all  subjects  may  be  treated,  just  as  the  old  rhetoricians 
divided  the  various  modes  of  oratory;  for,  as  we  said 
at  the  outset,  conversation  may  be  in  theory  regarded  as 
informal  rhetoric.  The  old  division,  then,  of  orations 
was  based  on  the  form  which  the  company  of  hearers 
and  speakers  assumed.  Was  it  a deliberative  assembly, 
which  sat  in  conclave,  as  it  were,  to  find  out  the  truth 
or  the  right  thing  to  do  upon  an  open  question  ? Then 
the  proper  form  of  eloquence  was  the  Deliberative , that 
of  the  Senate-house  or  Parliament,  suggesting  arguments 


LIX 


FORMS  OF  TALK 


137 


with  gravity  and  modesty,  receiving  with  deference  and 
attention  the  views  of  others,  stimulating  all  to  give 
their  opinions.  Was  it  a judicial  court,  where  the 
question  was  a dispute,  and  the  speakers  had  their  line 
determined  as  plaintiffs  or  defendants  ? Then  the  form 
was  the  Controversial , in  which  each  side  was  bound  to 
make  the  best  of  its  own  case,  and  the  worst  of.  the  ad- 
versary’s; in  which  each  speaker  was  to  bid  for  the 
favor  of  the  court,  and  only  limit  the  violence  of  his 
invective  by  the  fear  of  alienating  the  judges  of  the 
case,  and  so  defeating  the  object  he  had  in  view.  Lastly, 
was  the  meeting  one  which  merely  came  together  to  be 
impressed  or  amused  by  the  display  of  a single  speaker, 
to  whom  the  topic  was  prescribed,  and  whose  duty  it 
was  to  excite  the  emotions  and  enlist  the  sympathy  of 
his  hearers  ? Then  the  proper  form  was  the  Florid  or 
Epideictic , as  they  called  it,  where  display  was  the  ob- 
ject, where  pomp  and  ornament  were  in  their  proper 
place. 

§ 59.  These  distinctions  are,  with  reasonable  reserva- 
tions, clearly  applicable  to  conversation.  The  best 
kind  is  when  the  subject  is  discussed  by  the  company  as 
if  at  an  informal  council,  in  which  each  member  gives 


138  ART  OF  CONVERSATION  sect, 

his  opinion  and  contributes  something  to  the  common 
stock;  where  each  is  not  only  listened  to  in  turn,  but 
is  expected  to  speak;  and  where  the  variety  of  views 
and  of  the  expression  of  them  constitutes  the  very 
charm  of  the  company.  The  more  people  succeed  in 
adopting  this  form  of  discussion,  the  more  successful 
their  society  will  be.  The  most  perfect  host  and  hostess 
are  those  who  induce  all  their  guests  to  talk,  and  elicit 
even  from  the  silent  and  the  bashful  some  stray  sprink- 
ling of  intelligence,  which  gives  additional  flavor  to  the 
spiritual  repast. 

It  may  happen,  however,  that  the  topic  is  taken  up 
by  two  leading  minds  in  the  company,  and  discussed 
as  a controversy,  each  putting  forth  his  strength  to 
wrestle  with  his  friendly  adversary.  Then  it  may  be 
desirable  for  the  rest  to  take  sides,  and  encourage  the 
conflict  of  wit  or  argument.  This  sort  of  conversation 
may  be  exceedingly  pleasant,  -provided  the  disputants 
keep  their  temper,  and  provided  they  do  not  monopo- 
lize too  great  a share  of  the  time  and  attention  of  the 
rest.  There  is  hardly  a company  which/will  not  tire  of 
the  discussion  of  a single  subject,  however  important 
or  interesting.  Nevertheless  the  controversial  form  is 


ltx  A PLEASANT  FIGHT  139 

distinctly  an  agreeable  and  often  highly  instructive 
form  of  conversation,  and  many  a society  of  ordinary 
people  attain  to  the  enjoyment  of  an  excellent  evening 
by  encouraging  two  leading  spirits  to  show  their  powers. 

The  same  good  results  may  be  obtained  when  the 
company  come  together  for  the  purpose  of  hearing  some 
remarkable  person,  who  is  held  out  as  the  attraction  of 
the  party.  It  is  not  conversation,  in  any  real  sense,  un- 
less it  stimulates  others  to  speak ; but  still  we  must  in- 
clude in  our  survey  those  cases  where  the  funny  man,  or 
the  Arctic  traveller,  or  the  superannuated  detective,  or 
the  escaped  nihilist,  undertakes  to  tell  his  experiences, 
and  delight  us  with  “ real  fiction.”  This  is  truly  the 
epideictic  or  show  off  style,  in  which  the  solitary  speaker 
is  supposed  to  delight  and  display  himself  without  a 
rival,  or  with  a rival  silenced  before  him.  Indeed,  it 
is  matter  of  common  remark  that  two  or  three  such 
talkers  are  apt  to  neutralize  one  another  and  produce 
no  effect.  Each  is  supposed  to  be  afraid  of  the  other, 
or  jealous  of  the  other,  and  so  wanting  in  that  spon- 
taneity or  abandon  only  attained  in  a congenial  atmos- 
phere. This  in  not  my  experience  of  Irish  wits,  of 
whom  a wise  English  friend  often  remarked  to  me : 


140 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT. 


There  is  no  use  in  asking  one  Irishman  to  dinner}  you 
must  ask  another  to  draw  him  out. 


Epilogue 

§ 60.  The  theory  of  conversation  here  attempted 
seems  to  be  completely  contained  in  the  foregoing  para- 
graphs, so  far  as  the  author  has  been  able  to  investigate 
it.  No  doubt  many  of  his  readers  will  wonder  that  a sub- 
ject so  interesting  can  be  made  so  dry,  and  will  com- 
plain (in  spite  of  § 5)  that  he  has  not  given  at  least  a few 
specimens  of  what  he  approves.  If  he  is  unable  to 
compose  them,  why  not  cull  them  from  the  best  novel 
literature  of  the  day  ? It  is,  of  course,  quite  easy  to 
give  such  examples,  which  can  be  found  in  thousands 
from  the  comedies  of  Sheridan  to  the  stories  of  Lever — 
who  was  himself,  like  Sheridan,  a great  master  of  con- 
versation. But  who  ever  profited  directly  in  his  own 
conversation  by  reading  conversations?  Who  could 
ever  transfer  to  ordinary  intercourse  the  imaginary  dia- 
logues of  romance?  They  may  be  elaborate  and 
studied,  like  those  of  Walter  Scott’s  heroines,  and  in- 
deed the  lovers’  dialogues  of  almost  all  novelists ; or 


lx  OBVIOUS  YET  A MYSTERY  141 

they  may  be  perfectly  natural  and  easy,  like  those  of 
Charles  Lever  just  referred  to.  But  in  either  case  they 
are  stereotyped  in  their  book,  and  are  useless  even  as 
models.  One  may  quote  from  them  an  occasional 
brilliant  or  foolish  remark,  as  one  may  from  any  book, 
but  that  is  all. 

There  is  always  this  difficulty  about  any  practice  which 
has  never  been  reduced  to  rule,  that  the  laws  of  it 
when  set  forth  in  order,  seem  trivial  and  dull ; nor  will 
the  student  believe  that  such  valuable  and  complicated 
results  can  be  derived  from  mere  truisms.  We  are 
quite  accustomed  to  that  surprise  in  the  case  of  logic. 
The  whole  system  of  human  reasoning  in  all  its  wonder- 
ful intricacy  is  built  up  from  a few  general  principles, 
in  themselves  perfectly  and  necessarily  obvious,  just  as 
the  prose  of  Ruskin  and  the  poetry  of  Browning  are 
expressed  in  combination  of  twenty-six  letters.  But  as 
in  this  case  the  theory  of  composing  words  is  easy 
enough,  and  yet  the  art  a mystery,  which  only  very  few 
can  ever  attain  in  perfection — each,  too,  after  his  own 
fashion,  and  stamped  with  his  own  genius — so  the 
theory  of  conversation  may  be  reduced  to  a small 
number  of  general  observations,  and  yet  the  perfect 


142 


ART  OF  CONVERSATION 


SECT.  LX 


practice  of  it  is  a mystery  which  defies  analysis — one 
of  the  myriad  manifestations  of  human  genius  which 
ail  can  admire  but  no  one  can  ever  explain. 


THE  END 


■53 THE  S~ 

Debater’s  Treasury 

Comprising  a list  of  200  Question,  with  Notes  and 
Arguments 

By  WILLIAM  PITTENGER 
Author  of  “ Extempore  Speech,”  “ How  to  Become  a Public 
Speaker,”  etc. 

Clotlr  Binding,  50  Cents 


THE  ability  to  debate  a question  skillfully  and 
forcibly  is  of  the  greatest  value,  and  has  often 
been  the  passport  to  wealth  and  fame.  In  the 
conflict  of  opinions  prevailing  in  every  department  of 
life,  it  is  most  desirable  to  maintain  our  own  position 
in  the  face  of  all  opposition.  Whoever  cannot  do  so 
may  possess  brilliant  ideas,  may  originate  wise  plans, 
and  may  even  be  eloquent  with  pen  and  tongue,  but 
will  always  have  difficulty  in  securing  the  co-operation 
of  others. 

This  valuable  book  contains  directions  for  organizing 
and  conducting  debating  societies,  most  practical  sug- 
gestions for  all  who  speak,  or  aspire  to  discuss  questions 
in  public,  and  in  addition  gives  a list  of  200  questions 
on  all  conceivable  subjects  for  debate,  with  arguments, 
both  affirmative  and  negative. 

Sold  by  all  booksellers,  or  mailed  upon  receipt  of 
price. 

THE  PENN  COMPANY 

1020  Arcli  Street 


Philadeiphia 


Correspondence 

Suggestions,  Precepts,  and  Examples  for  the  Construction 
of  Letters 

By  AGNES  H.  MORTON.  B.  O. 


Cloth  Rinding , - 50  Cents 


THIS  is  the  most  intelligent  and  thoroughly  literary 
work  on  the  subject  ever  offered  to  the  public 
It  is  from  the  pen  of  a skilled  writer,  who  for 
several  years  filled  the  chair  of  Literature  and  Criticism 
in  one  of  the  leading  educational  institutions  of  the 
country.  The  book  exactly  fulfills  the  promise  of  its 
admirably  chosen  title.  Its  Suggestions  are  pointed 
and  practically  helpful;  its  Precepts  are  correct,  and 
are  clearly  and  attractively  stated ; its  gracefully  com- 
posed Examples  are  true  to  the  character  of  the  corre- 
spondence which  they  severally  illustrate,  and  are 
accompanied  with  terse  explanatory  remarks.  Its  ob- 
ject is  to  assist  inexperienced  writers  to  develop  their 
talent  for  correct  and  graceful  correspondence  ; and  the 
book  is  well  calculated  to  accomplish  that  gratifying 
result. 

Sold  by  ail  booksellers,  or  mailed  upon  receipt  ci 
price. 


XHE;  PENN  PUBLISHING  COMPANY 
1020  Arcli  Street 


IMiiladelpIiia 


Spaswr  Bf 


LIBRAS 


J-LLI! 


£,1 

1 0 

n l 

':<*  & 


